Mini Upstate SC Wine Tour

One thing Eric and I have always enjoyed doing together is going wine tasting and visiting beautiful venues and views, and supporting local wineries. We have enjoyed wine touring in Victoria, Canada, Washington, Michigan, North Carolina, and Georgia. We have a couple places we enjoy to visit here in SC. SC wine is not our favorite if locally sourced grapes because we prefer dry wines and down here those sort of grapes just don't thrive. However, we still enjoy the adventure and sometimes our local wineries actually get their grapes from CA where there are dryer grapes. 

For a while now I have been wanting to tour some of the more North Greenville area wineries but I was pregnant the last 9 months and before that we had the blessing of a travel filled summer. So with Elias born and us moving away in a matter of days, we decided to have a relaxing family adventure day and check out three wineries in Travelers Rest. 

Winery #1: "Kennington Family Winery"

Our first stop and our favorite of the three! It is a new establishment settled on a quiet mountainside road with great lawn seating, (or indoor), lawn games, live local music, and really awesome wine with grapes sourced from CA. We got a flight of 5 wines to try each. Besides the wine and atmosphere, our favorite detail was how it was easily a family spot. Being able to do something we enjoy as a couple with our kids is so great. They had a juice list for Ellie to select 5 juices to try as her own "juice flight!" They came labeled and on a little board and she felt so included and happy. Elias camped out in the shade on a fuzzy blanket in the grass and napped. We got a charcuterie board with really great meats and cheeses, grapes, and jam. My favorite wine is a Cab Franc and they had a great one on the list. Ellie and I played cornhole. They also have a large Connect 4 lawn game. The sun was shining and beautiful and Ellie rolled down the hills of grass and we were all just soaking in the vitamin D and fam time. Great spot for fams couples, and friends! 

Winery #2: "Wellborn Winery"

The charming part about this winery is its location and its family owned and operated staff. Tucked away in the mountainous woods of TR, Wellborn Winery brought instant joy with blooming flowers, gardens, trees, music, and smiling faces. The family runs this out of their own beautiful wooded backyard. They are Italians moved here living their dream growing their own grapes as well as sourcing a local neighbor and friend's to make their wine. Now their wine was way too sweet for our tastes but nonetheless worth visiting and supporting and enjoying their beautiful site. We got to try 6 wines each, served on a silver tray! They are so friendly! Ellie enjoyed playing with their dog, Lily and exploring the woods a little bit (I wouldn't let her adventure too far on someone else's property of course.) It was a sweet little spot!

Winery #3: "Eagle Mountain Vineyards & Winery"

This was a special spot to be sure! What a gorgeous location! This is a great spot for all! Beautiful, mountainside, good wine, kind personable service, music, and something for the kids. They are a newer establishment as well and I am so happy we got the chance to try them out. They have a great wine list to choose from. They have a list already created for tastings and the list was excellent. I enjoyed them all. My favorite there was the Cab Sauv. Their labels and glasses were pretty to go right along with their venue. It's a good place for cute pictures to be taken with girlfriends have a girls day or couples. Just a pretty little spot. Now, they did not have any drinks besides water for kids (which Ellie kindly asked about in her big girl voice), but they did have a neat idea to include children by giving Ellie a cork and markers. She got to decorate a cork and then they let her put it in a glass top display table for all to see. She worked hard on this and was so proud of her cork. She wants to bring Mimi and G-Daddy back there to see it she told me. We ended our day here relaxing, sipping, talking, Elias napping in my arms. then we went into town for dinner. Which is another great point to the location of these wineries - DT TR is close by so when you're done, hit up town and grab dinner at one of the great local fares! 

Elias James Gladden

 

April 5, 2022. 3:30 a.m. my alarm awakens me telling me nothing I don’t already know. Today is a very important, special, and life changing day for the Gladden home! Baby Elias James Gladden is scheduled to be delivered into the world early on this day. 

I did not sleep the night before as I prayed, thought, and imagined most of the time I lay there. But there was no such thing as “too soon” when it came time for getting him out and in my arms. I was so ready. A million miles beyond ready. 

We arrived to the hospital and followed the usual practices of being admitted, prepped, and informed. I fell asleep in my hospital bed and soon I was being woken up and wheeled to the OR. I am a surgical technologist. The OR a passion of mine. I am already a mother - I know somewhat what to expect during this procedure. And yet, the nerves still swarmed me both with excitement and dread of knowing how it feels lying on that table awake and unable to move. I kept my mind on Jesus and prayed for peace and took a lot of slow deep breaths. The CRNA told me he could totally tell I was in the zone and ready to do this thing! 

They did my spinal block, soon I was sweating and nauseous. My BP was quite low now and due to the meds administered, this was expected. The CRNA never missed a beat in getting me feeling as comfortable as possible and even became my personal photographer alongside Eric too. At one point my heart did begin to become arrhythmic and was bradying down into the 50s. Nothing too alarming especially given my conditions but I was closely monitored and then God brought it right back to normal range with no other intervention. 

Before I knew it I heard a most beautiful whimper that crescendoed into a full out cry and my soul burst and my eyes flooded and my heart soared. They showed me my handsome boy over the clear drape and I was relieved and elated and smitten. He was so round and chunky (for two tall lean lanky parents) measuring in at 8 lbs and 20 1/4 inches. More than a pound bigger than his sister, Ellie at birth. His face was so perfect and his head so round! Instantly, I saw a deep likeness of Eric in Elias’s chin and dimples!!!! Yes! Those dimples I just swoon for on my man are also now on my little man!! He looks more like Eric than Ellie did (who mostly looks like me with Eric’s eyes and nose). I always dreamed that my son would be of the same handsome adorable cuteness that just stops me in my tracks still every day. 

Eric was then able to watch Elias be cleaned up and checked out. Eric took a ton of photos for me and then finally, he brought Elias over to me to sit and bond while they finished up on my case. It was magical. I began to speak to him and his little gray eyes opened and slowly shifted towards my voice and he had little smiles…I know, I know - probably just gas, but a smile no less right when Mommy spoke to him! And he listened and recognized this crazy woman who he has been living inside for the past 9 months! The other littler crazy woman spoke to him later in the day and oh how he did most definitely recognize the voice of sister Ellie as well! Who by the way is in love. She is madly in love with her brother and thinks he is her baby personally. 

When we were finally able to go home, my parents brought Ellie back to our house and she was excited to see Mommy, Daddy, and her new baby brother, Elias! She brought balloons for Elias and she even got some for herself since she is to be a celebrated and important big sister! She came in the house beaming and elated! She held him as though he were her greatest treasure (and I believe he is!) She sang to him and felt so loved by him when he reached out and would grab her shirt or hand. Our family is so perfectly complete, now! Praise our Heavenly Father, Lord God Almighty!

The little man thus far seems to be cool, calm, chill, patient, and not easily bothered or upset just the same way his daddy is. Hallelujah! Ellie and I are the divas with all the sass and sauce and expressions galore. We needed a calm chill little dude! 😂

The sounds he makes are just so beautiful and precious and melt my heart like butter! He is very alert and already naps better than Ellie ever did. He is strong and soft and oh so sweet! 

Welcome to the world, my handsome little man! Now I have two of the best men on earth under one roof with me...and the most precious daughter too!🥰

Gladden Family News - A Really Big Change is Coming!

 A really big change is coming in this new year of 2022, and we aren't just talking about the new baby. We have a really big update to give you, friends, about what God has next in store for our family.

The Gladden crew is moving. We are leaving the upstate - my home of 31 years since birth, and we are moving to the Midlands to the Aiken area. 

Another shock, I'm guessing? At least for most of you. Of course our families and closest friends are aware as this has been a long prayer filled journey. Here's what's up.

The bottom line if you don't want the back story is Eric - my beloved chemical engineer husband, is transferring with his same company of 17 years to work as a process engineer - aka - his dream job, in Augusta, GA. I'm so happy for him, proud of him, and honored to be his wife. I have the joy of being his support system, help mate, and best friend. He more than deserves this job! He was made for it, and clearly God made that obvious for our family. 

For those who want the full gory details, here is our story:

February 2021, Eric was preparing to graduate from Clemson with his degree in Chemical Engineering. As graduation approached we began discussing his opportunities, options, and what we desired for our family. What could he apply for at his current site? And what other positions might be available within his company at other sites? At that time I was heavy burdened more than ever to be nearer to my sister and Ellie to her cousins. You see, Kelsey, my sister is my best friend and biggest homeschool support system. But also, February 2021, I was still on the "no more babies for us" train and was really thinking Ellie's best life would be lived nearer her cousins. And of course I still wish this could be, but God really worked in our hearts with revelation as we prayed over that desire at that time. As we looked into it, God was just not making a way to transfer that direction for Eric or for myself. For me, the struggle was that I wanted to be near my sister more than anything but that was actually urealistic looking at the cost of living, home options, travel, etc. Basically, my zeal for that adventure died off with a lack of peace and a growth of stress and fear. God totally revealed to Eric and I both - Alpharetta area was not for us and I'm so thankful He did because I absolutely have no desire to be anywhere near there now that we felt that option out way back then. I'll always wish I could be near my sister though. However; on Eric's end, while God clearly revealed Alpharetta was not the location for his career, the wonderful gentleman he was coordinating with suggested Augusta....this was by July. And by July, as we all know now, I had changed my mind, wanted a second child, and was pregnant with Elias, though only a couple weeks along at the time.

I'll be honest. When Eric came home that day, I was taking a shower and he stood in the doorway and we discussed life. I don't know why, but the best conversations in our marriage happen in the bathroom while someone is showering. Haha! The shower is my best prayer spot, thinking spot, and calming spot. When he came home and started hashing things out with me about what he was thinking, he said something like, "No to Alpharetta...but...he mentioned Augusta..." Insert long pause here and a scrunched up look on my face. "Augusta?! I don't want to move to Augusta. That's not what we were intersted in. We wanted Georgia to be near Kelsey. Why on earth would I leave my home for Augusta? What's even there?!" My pure reaction as I sudded up my hair. Gentle, patient, kind, calm Eric gingerly explained what in fact was there career wise but that was it. He didn't reveal to me more than the facts. No emotions, no inner thoughts, just facts, so to me, I was still all scrunch nosed like..."why would he even bring that up?!" 

A week or two later, I was at Campbell's Covered Bridge with friends and my parents doing cake and a playdate for Ellie's 4th birthday. While my friends and all the kids were down in the water and on the rocks playing, I sat in my parents' laps a moment ( yes, even at 31) and we were just sort of touching base about staying here and no longer pursuing Alpharetta. Then my parents asked me what Eric said to me about Augusta and what did I think? I told them as I've told you. Then my daddy said, "Well....he told us it was his dream job." That was all it took. I knew in that moment Eric didn't reveal that to me that night in the bathroom because he cared more for me than himself, and if he caught a whiff of me not being interested he would ignore it all - sacrificing for me - same as when he wanted a second child and only ever suggested it once and I clearly wasn't on board. But God always works in the family that puts Him first and He worked in this moment too. "He told you it was his dream job?" I asked. "He sure did." replied my daddy. It was as if my heart melted, or bloomed, or turned from stone to silk but in that moment, I felt that I needed to approach Eric again regarding Augusta, and this time I needed to listen, I needed to have an open heart, and I needed to put my husband first. That evening we had another one of our chats to check in with one another and it was then that I told him now knowing his feelings, that if he wantd to go after it, he had not to worry about me. I didn't know what would happen but I sincerely believed he should soar for his dreams and he deserved and will always deserve my full support and love and encouragement. So he responded to whom it concerned that he was interested. But he didn't hear back...at least for about 4/5 months....but God's timing is always perfect, you know!

Ok, so Alpharetta option was a no for us, then shortly after graduating, Eric landed his first engineering job within his company as a quality engineer, an opportunity we are grateful for! He still had not heard anymore from Augusta yet but in the back of the mind I knew that door wasn't closed. That team was busy hiring for Alpharetta at the time. The Greenville quality engineer job was a great start to the engineering career world with his company that we love so much. It also meant we were staying here at least for the time being and all seemed good, but Augusta was not finished yet -  we just didn't know how long it would be until we knew if they were even interested in Eric and if and when they would reconnect with him. 

Around November 1, Eric was contacted. He was encouraged by the same gentleman to apply for the process engineer position in Augusta once posted which would be soon, keep an eye out. I told Eric, that he needed to absolutely pursue it and I made sure he stayed on the ball so he wouldn't miss his opportunity. I love standing by his side, and having his back, in all circumstances of life. I also fervently believe if you put your best efforts in and give your all, win or lose, you can be proud. You can't expect to be successful being ho-hum bout anything. And he agrees. He saw the posting, applied, and from there a long, thorough, intense, almost 2 month long interview process began. I never knew it would or could be so intense and timely! It certainly kept me on my toes in angst and on my knees in prayer. Especially because here I was pregnant and with every passing week and month closer to my due date. If you know me intimately you know one great flaw of mine is being someone who needs to have a plan laid out. This characteristic serves me well. I am organized, thorough, reliable, accountable, and prepared for anything. But it also is the demise of me because should change arise, I'm not easily adaptable. The fact that I'm pregnant, I didn't know if we were coming or going, could I finish my nursery, would he get the job, would we move, when would we move, how soon, what's my timeline, where would we live, etc., etc., stressed me out. At first I was just so cool, calm, and collected, peaceful and patient - blowing the minds of Eric and my best friend. But by a month and a half of no answers and still interviewing, I began to break down and crumble bit by bit. I didn't want to burden Eric with my emotions becasue I wanted to be strong for him and supportive. It's not like he could make an answer come any sooner anyway. I cried, I prayed, I cried, I prayed. Knowing that all along, God had known forever since the beginning of time just exactly would come out of this and that all was going to be ok no matter what because we would be in His will. I also really truly wanted Augusta to see what I see in Eric: critical thinker, diligent, amazing probem solver, thorough, dependable, reliable, trustworthy, smart, creative, lover of research and answers, and excellent at pondering until a solution is found for any problem. In the home alone, he has the same qualities as a husband (and more). The refrigerator breaks? He researches how and fixes it. The washer breaks? He's got it covered. Ellie and I need help with a homeschool craft or project? He's on it doggone it. We can ALWAYS trust him to make things better and to come through for us. 100% of the time. And he carries this over at work too. I wanted them to see that in him the same. My prayer over him...(once again usually in the shower, haha) was that the Holy Spirit would be with him, speak through him, be his words, be his brain, help him to think and analyze clearly. I prayed for those who interviewed him that God would be their words as well, that God would reveal to them all these wonderful assets and characteristics of Eric, and that everyone would have peace in the process. 

Just a week before Christmas, I cried harder than ever during this journey because while an Augusta answer was so close (the final interview completed) Greenville then lays a surprise on us that Eric's position will change in the next 3 months if he stays due to other changes in his department. Hearing this I became so unsettled it felt cruel at this point. I was on a very limited time clock now. At this point, I only had 11 more weeks of which I could travel with my pregnancy. If we went to Augusta, I couldn't follow until after I gave birth in the upstate. Would I be without Eric the remainder of my pregnancy with the exception of weekends? Would we have already had to sell the house? Would I have to live with my parents the last 5 weeks of pregnancy? Where was I going to bring Elias home to? So many questions and emotions struggling internally with myself. And if we stayed, could we?...if we did...would Eric be happy? I didn't want to be selfish. I didn't want the last two months of all my support and making sure his clothes were prepared for interviews, laying out a portfolio for him, praying over him, giving him my full 110% to be a waste. I didn't want to get caught up in me...but could we now possibly stay? My mind was a puddle. I'll always love home. Who doesn't love home? But, without comparison, I love my husband and his joy more. He sacrifices constantly for me. The man has barely seen a football game in 4 years now thanks to doing family things with his girls every weekend. He never complains, he always serves, gives, helps, and provides for us NEVER thinking of himself and what he may want. He does it all so lovingly too! He doesn't believe he is sacrificing because being with his family really is that valuable and important to him! I could never live happily knowing that he chose home for me and settled when his heart really wanted and could have an amazing God granted opportunity. I love him so much that my joy does not exist without his complete joy first! It is an honor to put this wonderful man first. 

Eric, ever calm, rational, analytically thinking, processing, and steady was a solid rock of calm. One reason why I am so in love with him. He approached all the possibilities between the two opportunities (and what a blessing from God and testament to my man that he would have such great opportunities) with prayer and a sound mind. Meanwhile, I was so overcome, that I had to tell God, "I don't even know what to pray. Just please give us the answer." In 48 hours, we knew the answer. Between all that Eric had to process within his options, God gave us exactly what we needed and prayed for in order to be taken care of and feel comfortable and undoubtedly making the right choice in moving. He gave us all we asked for and that included, we can stay in our home and Eric can work remotely until after Elias is born and we are recovered. Then we will move. The same gentleman with whom Eric had been coordinating and interviewing with is deeply appreciated. I think he was definitely part of God's plan for us. This man made it evident that he values family first and appreciated that Eric's top priorities were God and family first also. He is the final piece of the great puzzle that God used to show us this is what God wanted. We felt peace that not only was the job desirable but that our family was being respected and cared for which is incredibly rare especially in corporate America. I told Eric that I felt cared for as a mother and a wife by this man and that it says a lot about the kind of man Eric would be around and working for. When Eric called me to discuss one last time before making his final choice - still putting me first and I him - I knew what he wanted, I knew what God had revealed to him, and while crying, I felt peace, while crying I trusted him and Him, while crying, I was still happy. You see, I can cry and be an emotional wreck but still have the peace of the Holy Spirit. God calls us to do hard things. Often His perfect will is not easy, or without ups and downs and challenges, but it always has the biggest rewards and all I want is to be in His will and glorify Him. With that being my desire, it always works out - even when its tough. I'm also beyond blessed to have a husband who values me and my feelings so deeply and above his own - a husband who would sacrifice his dream job for me if I told him to - a husband who is a trusted leader, a Godly leader, a strong force for our family, and a wise, critical thinking, ever devoted man. And he deserves to have the same love and support in his wife. I trust him becauase he puts God first and his wife second, his children third, and himself last. I hope he sees the same from me towards him. I'm honored, thankful, and blessed to be the one who gets to journey alongside him as he takes on his dreams in Augusta, while we all live in the Aiken area. I will as he knows, cry many more tears, face more challenges ahead as I work hard to find the right homeschool options and classes and community for my children. But I have peace in the Spirit He has big plans and above anything I can imagine. When I do cry, its ok. Its a blessing to love my home town, friends, and family this much. I am happy, even if I cry. Because there is no greater blessing on earth than being in the will of God, married to Eric Gladden, and the mama of our two precious babies. I couldn't have designed a better life for myself if I was given the tools to do so! 

Having now had time to settle my heart, welcome the will of God, and dive into research for homeschool options, churches, pediatricians, and all the other things us mamas/wives do for our families to give them our best....I've found peace in my mission as the matriarch of this family in this new moment. You know, I always had peace even through my tears, but now I am relishing the plans God has for us - even when they are so foreign to me. I've made "Excel" spreadsheets to compare homeschool options, music courses, and other electives/ extra curriculars. I've written all over my white board options for churches, classes, etc. I've posted a million questions in several different groups seeking help, advice, information on the area as a stay at home Christian homeschooling mother. We aren't too common, you know, and finding my people is not easy. Finding other "weird moms." 😂 Especially when I have all the people I could ever want in the upstate. I'm also really introverted...bubbly, outgoing, and personable...but introverted and shy in new social situations. No one I've ever met believes this to be true - but it is. It takes me a while to let my walls down to deeply connect with others, but just as God has given me the girlfriends He has here at home, I know He will also add to my life there with more of the same wonderful, easy, like minded relationships - though it would be impossible to top my friends here at home, now, nor would I ever try! One of a kind, those gems. I'm so blessed with my friendships God gave me and how they love me so well unconditionally. 

It was in this quiet alone time I value so much that God gave me His hand to hold reminding me there is never anything I could plan for myself that would ever be more beautiful or perfect than His will and plans. What He can create in my life is a beautiful life full of His glory. After all, He is the creator of all things and all life - how could one even doubt that His created plans for my life could be anything less than perfect? Even when it makes me scared, cry, unsettled, I want His will. Not my way, but His. And I've never been happier than when I am in His will. His will doesn't have to make sense to me, and it does not have to be easy. I don't even have to have an explanation from Him for me to desire, want, and accept His will. That's a scary prayer to pray if you really mean it...because He will rock your world...but you will be so glad He did. Anyway, I was driving, Ellie was asleep after a good hike, and Jeremy Camp's song came on "His Radio," "Out of My Hands." And it was such a time of worship and praise, and a hug from the Lord. He held my hands as I drove and He hugged me with an embrace of peace and confidence. I didn't even cry; I simply nodded my head acknowledging His voice. 

My thoughts are these: I cannot sit here and tell you the reason apart from an amazing dream career opportunity for my greatest love and best friend, my husband, (which is enough for me!) as to why God would move us. But for some reason, in the year of 2021, God saw fit to change my heart to deeply desire a second child who God has blessed my womb with and I'll God willing meet in a few more weeks. He has willed in this year of 2021 that not only do we expand our family but we expand our horizons and uproot our lives and all I've ever known and move us to the one place in SC I've never really spent any time in. Do you know how truly amazing that is? God is doing big awesome things through our family. He has plans for my children and God needed me to have Elias also for the glory of His kingdom. God wanted Elias and God wants Ellie and He wants them in the midlands of SC. God will grow them, teach them, and equip them for His will and glory in the midlands. This will be their home and while the Upstate will always be my home, so now too will be the Midlands. And I welcome that with honor - that God would choose us and call us to go and fulfill His will for our lives and mainly for His glory. Think of it this way - God called Jonah to Ninevah and Jonah told God, "no." Why? Because he was scared. God called Jonah to do a big scary thing. Jonah said no to God's will because God does give us free will of course...but his consequence proved that we never want to tell God no nor do we ever want to be out of His will. And God had grace on Jonah and forgave him and Jonah went to where he was called. God was glorified and Jonah was protected. God loves His children and protects them. God is full of love, mercy, and grace. God is good. Always. And I'm humbly honored to be called to His great will. I will go where I am called. 

People have and will continue to ask, what about your forever home, what about your trees, what about your parents and your friends? Yes. Yes, I love them all. I'm blessed to have them all. I'll never ever be without my parents or my truest friends because they have a huge piece of my heart...and obviously I'll be home to visit as often as possible. Y'all know I road trip all the time for an adventure! As for a house and trees....while lovely...those are just things. Things do not make your life special. The people do. We will build a new home, we will plant new trees, and it will all be part of our journey and adventure in life together. And I kid you not....the best advenutre, gift, possession, and blessing in my life....besides my relationship with Jesus Christ? My Eric Gladden. I'd follow him anywhere. 💓

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Elias Update

 

I'm almost 25 weeks pregnant and with a planned C-Section at 39 weeks, Elias's arrival is soon upon us! 

Many know that a large portion of my hestiancy to have a second child was the risks it posed for my health with my heart defects and my own fear for the increased risk of any child of mine developing a congenital heart defect also. My doctors would tell you the real and main concern is for my own personal health, cardiomyopathy, ventricular arrhythmias, etc. But as a mother, and a strong healthy mother at that, I really haven't had a fear for my health since the Holy Spirit lead my heart to have a second child. 

I did have a short time where I was experiencing palpitations in my neck/chest area. This was early pregnancy when I was once again hemorrhaging like I did with Ellie's pregnancy. Due to my hemorrhaging with Elias also, I stopped running for a time even though I knew there was nothing my running was doing to cause my conditinon which was in fact a sub-chorionic hematoma. This hematoma increased risk for miscarriage - my risks for miscarriage are already higher just becasue of my heart conditions - though, by the amazing mercy and grace of God I have managed to avoid experiencing what I would believe to be one of the most traumatic experiences a human can have. Therefore; I was scared and just quit running and moved slowly and minimally for several weeks - almost the entire first trimester. 

Ironically, once I began running and hiking and being crazy active again, my chest stopped pounding and feeling like it was gushing internally. I had an echocardiogram for myself last week and it showed no change in my heart which is good! I also had a 24 hour holter monitor of which the results I should receive soon. But I feel that I'm doing even better this pregnancy than with my first. I'm not even experiencing any swelling yet! Hallelujah! 

As for Elias, though posing less risks than myself, he stands a higher risk for heart defects than other babies. A reminder that 1 in 100 babies are born with a heart defect making them the most common of birth defects. Any child of mine has a higher percentage risk. Ive been so so so blessed to have one healthy child and one healthy pregnancy with no problems and no defects for baby  or issues for me. Elias's anatomy scan at 20 weeks suggested his heart was normal yet still, to follow up like the thorough specialists they are, an echocardiogram was performed for Elias earlier this week on Monday. This is always the scariest scan for me because it would break my heart - no pun intended - to know that I was responsible for causing my child to have a heart defect. I know theorhetically and any doctor of my care would say it is not my fault......maybe not directly but isn't it in some way? I chose to become pregnant twice, knowing the risks it posed for my children (which again is not statistically as dangerous for my baby as pregnancy is for me) and if either of them proved to have heart defects, though I would know and trust God had good in store for that and would use that for His glory, it would just break me. It may be considered brave and warrior like to be a heart survivor but I honestly truly believe being the survivor is way easier than it would ever be to be the parent of the survivor. My parents - what they have endured for 31 years with me and especially those first 5 years of my life - there is some real bravery and strength and fight in such people and I don't think I could handle it! And thankfully God seems to know that and spared me that. 

 Elias's echocardiogram appears structurally sound and normal. There was one view they could not get because stubborn boy would not move from his cozy position of his hands clenched in front of his chest and hiding his profile. However; the doctor at that visit said that confidently they can assume this aspect is normal as nothing surrounding it suggests any problems. Still, thorough as they are, I'll return in 8 weeks for another try of getting this profile view. I'm just so so so happy to know that things are going well. I cannot believe that I am 31, and have not had my heart tinkered with in 26 years surgically, and yet, I've had almost two complete and safe pregnancies and good personal health. You know only God can do that. Yes, I put in the effort to live a healthy lifestyle, eating healthy, living holistically as much as possible, and running, hiking, walking, and being active...but I am only able to even do those things because God allowed me to! I'm not even supposed to be alive. There is nothing good that comes from me but the good in me is the Holy Spirit and His goodness. His mercy. His grace. His love. I am so grateful that thus far my little son is a healthy baby boy with some long lean legs and a love of cuddling his mama already! 

I am still running and hiking this far along in my pregnancy but it is definitely getting more challenging! Haha! 

Now we just try for this last view of his heart, and wait to bring him earthside in a matter of weeks! We cannot wait to be a family of four! 

Changing My Mind...

If you know me well then you know I have said for four years..."one and done." I was never planning to have more than one child, ever. 

Part of that is health, and part of that is desire.

Health wise, I was just so thankful God allowed my body to healthfully  create a human with Eric. There were so many risks for myself and increased risks for the baby and increased chances of miscarriage. When I went into the decision to have my first child, I threw caution to the wind because I wanted it so bad, I was very healthy, and I was just so sure it would all be ok. And it was! We had a rough start with that first pregnancy, hemorrhaging for several weeks, but I remained healthy, and Ellie was born healthy, with no heart defects, strong, and just wonderful! And I always thought that was it. I considered it a miracle. A miracle to not miscarry, a miracle to remain healthy - become healthier after - stronger - a miracle that Ellie was wildly healthy....a massive perfect gift from God. And after having been told all my life I'd probably never be able to have children, you can imagine, having such a successful pregnancy and healthy baby and self - I know that all this came from God. 

But that was all I ever wanted. I thought...

I'd actually get super angry inside myself when people would tease that I would change my mind. I've never appreciated people butting into my business that much and then proceeding to tell me what I do in fact want. I think its rude and annoying. And I really truly did not want to have another baby.

Something that my friends and I laugh at now is this little story: About 2/ 2.5 years ago, Eric so sweetly asked me about having a second. He wanted another. I froze, my eyes became saucers, and I stopped breathing. Eric is my husband, my best friend, my better half, and world. I will never ever tell him a flat out "no" in a decision that I truly believe is both of ours to make together. If he wants another baby, I want to consider that and I'm not going to just look in his precious eyes and tell him no. So I told him I needed to process that and then we could discuss it. I process by writing. I grabbed a blank notebook and proceeded to write with the hand skills of a 5 year old as I dashed my pen franticlly across the papers vomiting my brain out in black ink 5 PAGES FRONT AND BACK as to why I did not think a second child was a good idea. And I STILL stand by those reasons as being sound and true reasons not to have more children. I should desire and pine for a child and at that time in my life I was overwhelmed with fear. I feared 50% of those 5 front and back pages for my health and the baby's health. I'll remind you, theoretically, me having a baby should weaken my heart, enlarge it, make it work harder (as all pregnant mother's hearts do - but mine is already enlarged and damaged), I have a risk of arrhythmias, and right heart failure, it should bring my impending pulmonary valve replacement open heart surgery closer...it did not with Ellie...another miracle...but with a second, I was more aware and honed in on that possibility. What if this time I got weak and sick? My daughter needs me! I need to be around for her. It scared me that I would not be "me" and I'd be weak and sick and I'd be unable to care for either of my children.I feared that with the passed time, age, and the fact I had miraculously had a "perfect pregnancy" before that a second wouldn't be the same and the baby would be sick, have my heart defects, and that there would be so much greater risk. That was half my reasoning on those pages. The other bits were finances, wanting to be able to afford to do all with two that I do with Ellie, wanting to be able to give 100% of myself to both children and not one to feel left out ever, feeling I'd be pushed to a breaking stress point edge where  I'd just be terrible to live with because I'm burned out, exhausted, and over worked by all I do ( which is my joy to do). I feared lots of little things like that. Also, I didn't want to "start over" with allllll the things I'd been able to put behind me like lack of sleep, sleep training, potty training, teaching basic life skills. Ellie was so independent at 2 and even way more now at 4....she makes her own lunch, gets herself dressed, packs her suitcase (with supervision), bathes herself, plays well by herself, etc. I was in that "good place" and could not imagine starting all the way back over. So, I worte all this down, then literally wrote only two bullet points of the pros of having a second. Looking back, I was scared, selfish (and thats ok to admit and know that you shouldn't have more children if you're too selfish because there is NO place for selfish behavior in parenthood), and I was tired. It wasn't my time and it wasn't God's time. I let Eric peruse the list and he told me that he saw my points, agreed, and it was all good and he was happy to have his family as it was. He had me believe for years on that this was how he felt. Because Eric is NEVER selfish. Seriously. Is he perfect?  No, as close as a human can be, but no. But he is always way better than I am. 

Fast forward a couple years. Eric and I were having our alone week as a couple at the beach. I was sitting in my chair, soaking in the sun and the sand and the ocean breeze. Eric was up at the bath house at Ocean Lakes. I can't explain how my brain even went here, but I somehow went from reading a beach book to googling "E" names for boys and girls...because y'all know we gotta keep that going...

Eric came back and had barely sat down before I hit him with, "what do you think of these names for a boy and a girl?" He paused, smirked, and laughed before I could even say the names and asked, "Something you want to tell me?" I said, "No! I'm not pregnant, just looking at names." Still we proceed and I haven't even gotten to tell him the names, he says, "Why are you thinking about that? You sure you're not pregnant?" And he was totally joking. Then I serious as a heart attack looked him in the sunnies and said, "....well....what would you think if I were?" He paused again, huge grin crept across his face, and his soft voice and demeanor said, "Well I think that would be wonderful!" Then I sat there like a bullet hit my heart....he had been masking his desires all these years since he asked me about a second. And here I sat, really asking him these questions because  the Holy Spirit lit a fire in my heart at the most random time in the most random way with no warning or prior thoughts, giving me this pang to want more and expecting Eric to say "nah, we're good" after that conversation years ago, and here he is telling me his truth....he thinks it would be wonderful. And so, the next thing I got out of my mouth, "Well, what if we do? Do you want to have another one?" He sat there smiling, looking love struck, and said, "Really? Yeah! I want another one!" I said, "Why did you ever say you didn't, then?" and y'all that precious man. He told me, "I wanted to support you and I care about your health too." I teared up and just loved him even more for loving me that much. Because I never did tell him no more babies, I'd just shared with him my fears and my thoughts. And his love and patience with me was what allowed the Holy Spirit to move when He had already planned. 

So then I sat there shaking, quivering, brain racing, and Eric looked the most peaceful he'd looked the whole two total weeks of vacation! I knew I needed cardiac clearance before we could go any further. I quit my birth control immediately, prayed like crazy, told my parents our desires so they could pray too, (shocking the pants off them in the process - because EVERYBODY knew Emmay was DONE). Y'all! I sold EVERYTHING! 

I was so excited to start trying in July after getting a clean bill of health from my Cardi that before I was even ovulating I'd gone ahead and bought a crib, play mat, bath tub, bouncer, walking toy, baby Bjorn, and started planning my nursery (for boy or girl). 

On August 1, (Ellie's birthday), I took an early pregnancy test in the cabin we had rented before Ellie was awake and while Eric was having coffee next door with his parents. Y'all I hadn't even got the magic on the stick completely yet and the thing lit up like a Christmas tree! I was SHAKING happy! I text Eric to come back to our cabin. He didn't see the text. I text him again. I sat on the screened porch rocking in my rocker as frantic and hyper as a grasshopper on crack. So impatient and so excited! FINALLY Eric waltzes over and tells me good morning and from my pocket I withdrew with shaking hand, the two (because I'm so type A, I like a digital too) sticks and I said, "I'm pregnant!!" He was shocked and excited and happy!! I told him that was fast! He said, "We know what we're doin!" 😂 Ok, that may be TMI, but you'll be alright! The world needs more happy mushy marriages! 

Then we told all our family but didn't tell Ellie because of course, I was only 3 weeks and a few days. And with my risks, I wanted to have a heartbeat before I ever told her. Though, she did know we were trying to have a baby. Y'all I was positively elated and simply neurotic as at 3 weeks I quit laying on my stomach (not necessary so early), became paranoid of food I ingested, and started eating all the eggs and spinach! Haha! I mean I eat healthy anyway but I kicked it into overdrive...until morning sickness anyway. But we are past that now hallelujah. 

I did begin bleeding quite badly at 4.5 weeks, just like I did with Ellie. I cried so hard. Life begins at conception and no matter how small, that life is my baby and seeing what I was seeing is so so so scary when you are so in love with your child, no matter how far along. I got into the dr by 6 weeks to be checked out as it got even worse. I was told the baby was fine, had a strong heartbeat, but I did have a sub chorionic hemorrhage. This increased my risk of miscarriage even higher, but luckily it was small. I hemorrhaged with this baby boy for about 9 or so weeks. I quit running for fear that it would hurt him even though I knew that wasn't the cause nor could I do anything to prevent....anything. I rested, and cried, and worried a lot. But by 9 weeks, my doppler was able to pick up a heart beat at home and so I was able to relieve some fears with that. All is well now.

I had my first high risk scan with the specialists as I did with Ellie. They wanted to do as early a detection as possible for any indications of heart defects. They checked his neck size which can help give clues to down syndrome and heart defects. His neck measured perfectly and so that's reassuring. I still have many check ups to go with high risk specialists, my cardiologist regularly to also monitor me. I'm running again, though much slower and only a 5k, but I'm thankful to be running. I'm still hiking, exercising, and walking with Ellie daily. 

Ellie really wanted a sister and was convinced that's what she was getting. When we found out it was a boy her face dropped, she got quiet, and seemed a little sad. And that made us sad for her, but we were exicted to have a boy! One of each! It didn't take long later in that day for Ellie to come around to her brother and begin make believe playing with him and ackowledging him as "little brother" and herself as "big sister" while playing with a stick family she made outside. That made Eric and I so happy. She has been loving and excited ever since her moment of processing the news and I pray deeply that they will be best friends. 

So how/why did I change my mind when I was so ADAMENT I was never having another baby? I believe first and foremost the Holy Spirit worked on my heart, and told me this was exactly what He and I both wanted. Because even when I don't understand, my desires always align with God's desires for my life...for His glory! I know that God has had this little boy planned before even I was a thought myself. I know God has big plans for him and for our family and for God's glory through our son. God called my heart to deeply desire another baby the same way I desired my first baby with exctement, pining, need. In fact, I didn't even have to convince myself, and all of my fears, while valid, were washed away. God gave me hope, faith, peace, joy, and love for another and now our home will be blessed by the love of a little baby boy, Elias James Gladden. And only God could do that. Only God can alter my flesh and fill me with the desire of the Holy Spirit for the most wonderful things. I look forward to the relationship Ellie will be able to have lifelong with her brother and knowing they will have each other even when Eric and I are gone. Thank You, God for your blessings that surpass my understanding and Your plans that are perfect and better than I could ever make for myself. Thank You, God for giving my heart this desire for this baby and that I can be healthy enough to have such. Only You, God. Only You!