Mind Blown

I am sitting in my glider in the dark feeding Ellie her nightly start of bedtime bottle and I am looking around the nursery by only the light of her elephant lamp and sound maker. And my mind is blown. Truly truly blown.  I look into her glowing big wide eyes and listen to the sounds of her coos as she takes the milk. I created this?? This...human, this child, this little girl? God allowed me to create this life whom He created a purpose for to serve Him?!

I've said it countless times...so many in fact that at times I feel like a robot spinning out the same programmed information. About my life and how I am not supposed to be alive. But hold up....literally....I am not supposed to be alive. My heart was a medical anomaly and mystery. A true blunder to the mind. An experiment. I am NOT supposed to be alive. I was NOT supposed to be able to function if I lived. I was NOT supposed to be able to safely have a baby...for either of our bodies. How on earth can such negativity be conquored?! Jesus. Plain and Simple.

I look into the eyes of my daughter...my greatest blessing, challenge, and humbler...and I am truly overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness, and miracles. My existence is a miracle. It truly is. I wish everybody could hear the story from my parents...their testimony of my traumatic start at life. It is how God brought my dad to salvation. Hearing his testimony of finding Jesus became my testimony as it was through him God made my heart realize I needed Jesus. And now having Jesus' love and salvation has allowed me to live just shy of 20 years witnessing God's miracles. Including my own personal miracles.

My life, my husband, my Ellie...these are my miracles. Each has their own long story. May seem simple and may seem sappy and unoriginal. Fine. If that is how you perceive it....it does not matter...I see God when I see these things. I literally see the work of my Lord and Savior when I look at these three things and those are miracles God blessed me with that I pray I never forget or take advantage of. I want to live my life for God because He allowed me life and a nonrestricted life at that. I want to always honor, respect, and appreciate my husband privately and publicly because God blessed my deepest desires with this man. I do not always succeed at this but I strive to keep my husband only second to God always. I want to lift Ellie up to God and give Him her life because he gave her life to me. I need and want God and desire His glory in all aspects of life.

My mind is blown as I look around this nursery and see where God has brought my life that should not medically exist. I should not have life and yet I live it and have even created a life--and all with a man I love and adore and appreciate and admire more than anything else on this earth.

All this from feeding my daughter a bottle.

If you listen...if you look....you can see God everywhere. Tonight....I saw Him in a nursery.