The Greatest Love of My Life

In June, June 20 to be exact...Eric and I celebrated our First wedding anniversary. 

Most people know we spent that time in Savannah, GA together. We explored the historic city, stayed in the nicest room at the beautiful Keyhoe House Bed and Breakfast, and had delicious food and wine. Best of all, the dessert at LuLu's Chocolate Bar! Chocolatinis and a place named LuLu's ?! (That is my nickname...well...one of them...) Favorite memory is finishing our dinner and dessert and running back to our room...I had to ditch my heels...and going out onto our balcony with a bottle of champagne and our white bath robes in the dark to wait for the many ghost tours that came by. Oh...our B&B was "haunted!" We would wait until the ghost story had a good start, then Eric would let out a loud blood curdling screech, and I would crouch over the balcony in the white robe. So many amazing reactions from the groups...laughter, screams, and wild facial/body expressions. But my favorite reaction of all to see was the huge smile on my sweet husband's face...just totally having a good time and so happy. That is all I ever want..his happiness.

So we came home from our trip, and we looked through our beautiful wedding album and shared our cake and wine. It was special and lovely and a dream come true!

But, the anniversary is only part of it. The marriage itself that God gave us... that God designed, the prayers that God answered for both of us....is just so precious. My prayer life has changed since I was single. I used to pray for my "husband"....whoever he was...I would pray that he was happy, doing well, and that he was turning to God for all of his decisions...I prayed that God would keep him on God's path for his life. I used to even get these spiritual pangs that "husband" was having a rough day or a rough time...and I would drop right there and pray...sometimes God would wake me up at 2, 3, or 4 AM and just call on me to pray for my "husband." When I did finally meet this man who would be my husband, I learned of all he had going on in his life just prior to us meeting. And while I won't share that...most people know, and those who do not, that is Eric's testimony to share. It is a beautiful and redeeming story of how God's will will always be done. God is so sovereign and mighty. I know Eric prayed for a wife who would truly love him to his core and for all that he is unconditionally, who would love God, and who would be his closest companion. And praise God, over three years ago, God brought these two longing hearts to the person that was meant to love them. but so much more than that...to the person who when joined together with them, God would be so greatly glorified. And that was always God's will and God's plan.

So now, my prayers have changed, and I constantly pray for the well being, joy, safety of my husband, but I pray constantly that God would be glorified through our love, that our love would be at least a small example of what God intended for love and marriage and the way God loves His children. Eric and I are two imperfect people. We are two totally different personalities. And we both seek God to be the head over us individually and the head over us as a couple. 

When we said "I do"... we were also making vows to God..primarily to God to honor His plan for marriage. It has made our marriage soooo incredibly and possibly almost inhumanely happy! We put God first, or always try to...we are still human and can get caught up in the world, but God is our focus...and when you love God more than your spouse, you reflect the fruits of the Spirit, and you reflect them onto the person you love most on earth. Which makes a beautiful triangle marriage of love. 

I am so thankful the past more than a year has been so blessed. Most people say the first year of marriage is the hardest...that you figure out all these things about each other and it wasn't what you were expecting. I have only felt that praise God and by God's grace, Eric and I grew so much closer together, trust grew deeper, respect grew deeper, and the desire to be with one another only intensified. I love him way more now than I did the day we said I do. And Praise God.

And for those people who say things like, "Oh just give it ten years...." First of all...I feel sorry for them. I am sorry that their marriages are obviously not on fire; that is truly sad....but I cannot stand for people to make such comments to me. If everybody knew and understood how passionate I am for the love of my husband, how badly I yearned and patiently waited for God to bring him to me.....I am not going to just suddenly take him for granted and stop desiring him or appreciating him! God is the heat of this marriage. And I can promise you now, truly 100% confident promise you that our marriage in 10+ years will only grow deeper and better. I'm only ever going to desire him more! He is my best friend and he loves Jesus. And God is our potting soil, our water, our lungs, our heart, our soul, our spirit, our everything. Honor and Glory to god forever and ever! That is the only way this marriage can be everything we desire it to be. God is the key ingredient. 

Here's to 100 more years baby doll! I love you sooo much! Thank you for selfless, precious, gentle, passionate love!

The Heart of the Matter

April  12, 2016

Today Eric and I visited my precious cardiologist for my bi-annual heart check up. This was only my second ever bi-annual check up. I usually have one a year. However, with things changing as seen 6 months ago, it was necessary to be seen twice a year.

So there we sat at Carolina Cardiology waiting to see my awesome Dr. It is so important to have a close relationship with your Dr. and praise God, I do! She came in, she checked me out, and here is what she had to say in short:

*I sound amazing and my heart is doing very well. She stated that the weakness she saw 6 months ago can now be considered a back thought. It is no longer pressing information. She sees that my heart is strong and able to handle a lot of physical stress and activity.

* She said my heart case was unique. (This is great!) This means that she expects and anticipates my heart to be weaker and weaker every time she sees me, she expects to see signs of decline in my ability, breathing, performance, feelings, however; I keep beating those odds. I remain active, always adding to my activity. I am able by the will of God to do strength training and dancing, yoga and running 4-5 times a week for 1-2 hours without fatiguing. A lot of normal people can't do this. And I mean, neither could I if God didn't live in me! Live in my heart! She is amazed at the lack of decline and the constant vivacious strong ability. She encouraged me to do all the activity I want and to not slow down!

* I asked her about having a baby again. Eric and I have our own personal plans for a baby (God willing) in the near-ish future. From the beginning she has been telling me that it is best for me to have a baby before the repair; this is still true. I am still high risk, meaning I have a higher risk of miscarriage. However, she stated I can be as physically active as I want to while I am pregnant. I can run and do my yoga and my strength training cardio all I want with little baby Gladden bouncing around in my belly...(God willing). I will not need to be on bedrest most likely. She stated of course we will still have to pay attention to what my body is telling me...but that I should have a very near normal pregnancy one day with just a few more extra Dr. visits. We will work more with that as that time gets closer. All of that I really want to leave in God's hands. I am convinced entering parenthood is the biggest thing Eric and I will ever do, so that ball is definitely in God's court! (Duh!)

*She then was able to tell me that I will most definitely have a biological valve. In previous posts you will see where I wrote about the differences in biological and mechanical valves. I will have a biological valve, which makes me happier because I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE A BLOOD THINNER!!!! I so didn't want to have to take one. I know that taking a blood thinner is no big deal, but I can't explain it....maybe you have to know me on a deeply personal level to help me understand it myself...but I really do not want to take a blood thinner. I don't like medicine. Plus I'm kinda terrible at taking medicine. I never remember it.And I don't look to medicine before I look to natural alternatives. Even though I work in medicine. Medicine has its place but...yeah. I prefer to use what God gave us first, then the things that man compounded of the ingredients God gave us to fix things. ;) Again, I agree medicine does have it's place. I'm just weird.

*She does not need to see me bi-annually anymore!! I am back to the one year visits again. I have an echocardiogram and extensive check-up next April. And this AMy 12, 2016, I will do an extensive stress test. I last did a stress test at 13. I am nervous. This one is more than running on a treadmill. They told me to be prepared to sweat. I guess since I so physically active they want to push those boundaries and see how my heart reacts. I have test anxiety! No matter what the test! I just want to rock it and blow them away and give them nothing to worry about! I want to do more than they expect me to be able to do! I'm an over achiever! :)

Today, I just want to praise God! The only reason my heart is "unique" and is taking "so long" to weaken is because God lives in it. He is there physically and spiritually. His joy and salvation definitely give me a better outlook on life. It gives me a positive perspective. And that alone is wnough to improve a man's will to live stronger. But God also literally healed my heart and He is the one Who is keeping it so strong now as we anticipate the future surgery ahead. Which at this point...I have no time guage on anymore. 3 years ago I was told I would need it in 3-5 years. Now today it is at least still that far off.

My selfish prayer is that God would give me a pulmonary valve and fix my tricuspid valve so that I never need another surgery. To me, it would be most glorious to God to suddenly have a pulmonary valve that was never a part of my body in the first place. Only God could create me a pulmonary valve out of thin air. And I know and belive He can. And maybe He will. But, what I need to remember when praying is to pray for God's will,to pray that God will be most glorified in my situation. That glory for God may come from me being admitted to a hospital and needing surgery. I may speak to another patient or Dr, or nurse and show them the faith in the Lord and how God heals or show them they can place their fears or live in God's hands. This may be where God needs me. God may make me have many more surgeries all my life just to continue receiving glory. And this I will do willingly and happily as my life is not meaningless or for myself. I live to serve and glorify the LORD. The Healer. And Him using my life for His glory is the most amazing way I could ever live my life!!

Anyway, that is the update for now. Thank y'all for the prayers! Keep God in charge of it all!

Pulmonary Valve Replacement

As most of my readers know by now, I am awaiting a pulmonary valve replacement surgery in the next 3-5 years. Naturally, I myself am curious of all the ins and outs of such a procedure. Being that I never knew or imagined I would need another surgery up until two years ago, I have never thought to study the surgical procedure. I've spent my life studying the heart and my conditions and all of my defects but never have I ever considered to delve into the details of valve replacement surgeries.

In my case, at this point in time, I will be needing a pulmoary valve replacement. Possibly later down the road I will also need a tricuspid valve replacement.

I do not currently have a pulmonic valve. I have a stent in which the blood flows through to the lungs.
 My tricuspid valve is ruptured and does not open and close.
Therefore, I have a significant amount of regurgitation of blood in my heart. This makes my heart have to pump so very much harder to force that blood through the valves since the valves themselves do not push it as they should with the opening and closing mechanisms. This has also caused my entire right side of my heart to enlarge significantly.

I also have a repaired atrial septal defect for the record but that is neither here nor there for the intents and purposes of this blog.

What I have learned in my last visit on the academic level of my condition in regards to the pulmonic valve are several interesting and informative pieces of material.

** It is uncommon to have a pulmonic valve replacement in adults with the exception of patients like myself with congenital defects of said valve.

** There are several options in valves to be chosen for replacement and the selection of the one I get is contingent upon several factors such as my age, anatomy of my heart, and the prognosis of my condition.
       a.) Biological Valves: These valves are engineered from tissues of either bovine, swine,        equestrian, and human heart. These are ideal for 20 somethings and child bearing age. This is not as durable as a mechanical valve, however; blood thinners are not needed for these such materials. These valves usually last 10-15 years before needing to be replaced.
   
       b.) Mechanical Valves: These valves are engineered from synthetic materials like plastic or    metal. These valves will require long time anti-coagulation methods such as taking warfarin. This is to ensure that blood does not clot within the workings of the valve and flows well and safely through the valve. They are much more durable and have a longer lifespan than tissue valves.

As I was last told, I am currently a better candidate for a tissue valve at this time. This is contingent, again, on my anatomy and my age and my vivaciousness. This will be determined though when the time does come.

I however, was told two years ago when this all initiated, that there is a transcatheter biological valve made of bovine material by Medtronic called the, "Melody Valve." At this time, I am not a "perfect" candidate for this valve, though I did not inquire as to why. Oh but I do pray for a transcatheter valve replacement versus a sternotomy incision.

picture: "Melody Valve"

If Eric and I (God willing) have a baby before the surgery is needed, I will obviously have a baby without a man-made valve and will have my own God given...nothing?? Haha! I don't have one!! (Gotta have a sense of humor!) Therefore, I would quite likely have the surgery sometime in the very near future after having a baby and would quite likely be given a Mechanical valve. But again, that will be decided upon all factors considered when necessary. This also likely means that if Eric and I were to wait to have a baby after surgery, I would have a man-made valve in my heart. This would quite likely be a Biological valve as I would still be in my 20's and child bearing age. It is not the best option to have a baby after surgery. Experiencing a pregnancy is hard on every woman. My conditions present greater risks for me and my baby. Therefore, it is better to put the strain in my un-repaired heart. It will help to make my future repaired valve more sustainable and strong to have a baby before a repair. However, if God does something miraculous and crazy and has us have another baby after the repair, I will trust in His plans and not worry! I will not worry anyway. He has always had this planned. He already knows it all and I just need to sit back and wait and trust.

The surgery can also be performed through minor incisions, but it may also be done through a sternotomy. Again, this is one of the details that will be decided based on what valve we choose as well as my anatomical factors. I am praying for minor incisions as my scar on my chest has already been cut open three times. It is very sensitive and at times painful. But if I am raw and honest, just as much as the discomfort bothers me, I also do not want to have a thicker, darker scar along my chest. I know this is vain. I have to remind myself this is a beautiful mark God gave me to symbolize His glory, His healing, and His miracles. I know that trumps it all!

I am attaching a link to those interested of an open heart method to this procedure of a 25 year old woman. She has Tetrology of Fallot. This is different than my condition.I have Epstein's Anomaly, Pulmonary Atresia, and an Atrial Septal Defect. But the idea is much the same.  Follow the link below to see:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPoCslAHFK8#action=share
Figures in the video first appeared in the article "Adult Congenital Pulmonary Valve Replacement: A Simple, Effective, and Reproducible Technique" (Congenital Heart Disease, 2: 314–318. doi: 10.1111/j.1747-0803.2007.00118.x) John Wiley and Sons hold the copyright.

I do ask that if you are a prayer warrior you pray for Eric and I. I want you to pray that God would be glorified through this time and through these happenings and conditions. I will deal with this the rest of my life. This gives me an amazing opportunity to share Christ all throughout my life as He heals me and uplifts me with peace that only comes from above. And please pray for my sweet Eric's heart as his is so much stronger than mine for loving me so well with all of these challenges. God is Savior!! He is Savior!!

Love, Emily Gladden :)

               

What's In A Heart?

I constantly battle the things of my heart. We all have battles with our hearts, the things our hearts desire, the things our hearts break over, and some of us, like myself, over the condition of our heart's health.

I've made it no secret in my life my conditions and my surgeries and the need for more heart surgeries in the future all because I want the small bit of world I encounter to see God in my heart. Not only God in my heart from a healing aspect, but also from a relational aspect. I love God, God loves me, I had a very sick heart, and God fixed that heart. He has allowed me to live, thus far, a long and active and happy life with very little restrictions. My life restrictions have consisted of staying away from energy drinks (I don't even like soda...I doubt I'd even enjoy an energy drink...no loss there!), taking it very easy on the coffee ( I really just like the creamer anyway...), and no decongestants when I have a cold (that's ok...I love hot baths and hot honey tea!). The only other thing that my heart has kept me from living out life normally is my physical activity. (Now this one hurts my heart..pun intended...because it is true!)

I have always loved running. Oh how I could just run and run and run! I used to run a 6 minute flat mile in 6th grade. I was asked in 6th grade to join cross country with the high school team. I held off (I'm REALLY shy!) But, I did do running club in elementary school and I would run around my neighborhood or on treadmills for fun all of the time. When I reached the eleventh grade, still ever the runner...and a strong one at that... I got to a place where I was more comfortable around others and I didn't care so much about people's opinions and if I failed - I failed giving my best, but if I succeeded - then how cool!? So, I finally, decided to join the track team. I'm not sure why I chose this over cross country...I'm a great distance runner but I struggle with sprints. I went to a two week conditioning and training daily course with the Wren High School track team to prepare for the season upcoming. I was soooo strong. I ran two miles for a warm up and I was so elated and so happy and I was finally part of something in the school besides the things I didn't really care about that I needed to help my "extra-curriculars look good."

However, there was of course one major requirement to remain part of the team and to start going forward with training for the season. A physical. A simple, every day, routine physical stood between me and my track career that I had already planned into college. I was so healthy and so strong...a physical would be cake. But, as it was, my doctor told me, despite my beautiful test results and ability to run and run well competitively, that he feared my heart would be pushed too far and too hard in the midst of adrenaline rushes and extra boosts of desire wanting to beat the other competitors. The heat, the possible dehydration, the heart rate of a runner with 3 congenital heart defects. (Especially the one that is currently presenting the biggest problem...the pulmonary valve...the one that connects to the lungs....it makes sense.) But, for me...I was devastated. And I imagine my parents were too. It was the first hard blow in a series of blows to come over my next several years that my heart was actually not completely perfect even though it had had 3 open heart surgeries to make it better. I cried and I cried and I felt ashamed and embarrassed and man...even as I sit here typing this out now I am overcome with the emotions of that time and how horrible it was for me.

It may seem simple. So I couldn't run track. There are worse things. Oh and yes ma'am yes sir! There are MUCH worse things. MUCH. I've already discovered that with the news I was given two years ago as I learned I will still need likely multiple more heart surgeries in even the near future. That having children is a huge risk. That my heart is basically supposed to continue to endure my running as I've kept it up; but we are to see how it handles the struggle of breathing and keeping up with my legs. And even knowing all of that isn't the worst thing in the world. It is certainly not easy at all for me. Especially when here lately I have read posts about CHD people who are runners with pacemakers! I don't (at this time) even have anything artificial and I wasn't allowed to run track? but...God did allow me to run many 5K's, 10K's and a half marathon and a full marathon. And for that I have been even further blessed. And I pray really hard for God's healing within His will and not mine. But, even in knowing people are struggling with much much much worse health issues or life struggles, even putting it in perspective (because I am VERY blessed), it is still not easy. And I think it is ok for it not to be easy. But what is not ok is to pout over it and sulk in it. God gave me this particular heart to glorify Him. This heart is what He is using everyday to love others, love Him, and Glorify Him. He has a home in that heart of mine. And He is using it.

I have my annual heart check up on October 6. I am prepared for several possible pieces of news. But no matter what, this is a heart for God. And God will be with me and Eric as we go and listen to my precious doctor and have tests performed and prepare for what we at this time know is to come.


I basically just want to encourage those with struggles big or small because God is there with you and He does care about all the things on your heart (even the healthy ones) ;)
God is our Savior in all types of ways. To acknowledge that is to find happiness, salvation, and strength. SO whether your heart is healthy, broken, sick, or happy...give it to God and He will be sure to live in it and keep it up for you!

And Two Became One

On Monday, February 24, 2014, Eric and I sat in the kitchen of his house talking about our days while dinner cooked. At this point, Eric and I had been a couple for almost a year and we talked about getting married constantly. Heck, we began talking about marriage one month after meeting. But, on this particular night, with NO ring on my finger...we set our wedding date for June 20, 2015. We knew this "wasn't that far off" (YES IT WAS!!), and it would be a Saturday, and best yet, it would be my parent's anniversary, whose anniversary is also shared with my maternal grandparents. So, we liked it, and we decided then that would be our forever anniversary. One little problem was that I was still waiting on the ring we had also been discussing relentlessly (especially with all of the passing Christmas and Valentine's marketing for love). Finally, March 7, 2014 came along and we made our engagement official with our engagement ring. Now the wedding plans could really take off.

There were months of planning and shopping and dreaming. Many tears and emotions passed with the countdown and the planning of this big event set to happen on June 20, 2015. It seemed like forever until our day would finally come! Many times I even thought about just eloping I was so ready to be married to my best friend. I just desired to be his wife sooooo bad! But the day did finally come and it was a glorious and beautiful day! All I could think of that whole day was, "I;m going to be Eric Gladden's WIFE! His WIFE! This is like the world's biggest honor of all time!!! How lucky am I?!!" I wanted my hair to be perfect, my makeup perfect, the dress perfect, and I wanted to get that amazing reaction from my Groom as I walked down the aisle.

I was cool and calm all day long. This is rare as I am so high strung and uptight. But I had such peace and such joy! Only when I was standing in the bridal suite of our church did I become overwhelmed with emotions of joy and excitement so unfathomable that I began to cry such tears of joy!! And then I couldn't breathe. This was a combination of the fitted bodice of the dress, and my heart trying to pound through the dress!! I stood in the bridal suite watching our bridal party begin to proceed down the aisle to the lovely classical music and all I wanted was to see my groom! Get me out of this closet of a room and down the aisle to the one who will calm my nerves and bring me all of my comfort and happiness! I asked my bridesmaids if they could see Eric?! And when they smiled and said yes, I nearly fainted right there!! Finally it was my turn to make my walk down the aisle and finally say, "I Do!" to my husband!! I cried the entire way down the aisle. And I saw tears in Eric's eyes too and that made me cry even more! Once I was finally able to hold his hands and cling close to him I began to lightly cry and get super giddy! I began twirling (as I was told by many guests and as I witnessed from our wedding video), and I couldn't stop smiling! It is so true it all comes and goes so quickly. It was important for us to savor every little piece! Eric melted my heart more as we lit the unity candle. He and I stepped back and he then led us in prayer over our marriage. There is nothing sweeter than a man who leads his wife in the way of the Lord and there is nothing I desire more for my life or my marriage than to be lead by a Godly man. When the ceremony came to the end and we were pronounced husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Eric Gladden, my heart shot out fireworks to Heaven!

Knowing that from then on out everything I did was no longer for me but for God first (as usual) and then my husband, and for us as one person was so special. It is an important job and role and it is fun and sweet and so so precious! It is something to work on every day together and to embrace so warmly! I am so happy and so truly honored and blessed to be the wife of Eric Gladden who leads me to love God first and before I love him!

Mark 10:8- "and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh."
Ephesians 5:31- "“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

New Name, New Blog

It has been a long time since I kept up with my blogging. I decided it was time to begin a new blog to go with my new name and new role in life.

I am a Gladden.

I have often been told the name "Gladden" is so fitting for me to take on as my new last name as it does give to the mind a happy and joyful feeling and sound. And "Gladden," is exactly all I ever want to be! I want to display joy and happiness to those who encounter me as a result of the love I receive from my number one in life, Jesus Christ, and my number two in life, Eric Gladden. 

I used to imagine and dream what my last name would become. I used to imagine my fancy new monogram, initials as I sign on clinical documents, and the name with which I would make a life. I am, (to continue with my theme) "Gladden" to know my name is so special. But it is not special because of the reasons I used to once imagine. Gladden is a special last name to me because it belongs to my husband. It means I am his and he is mine. It means I get to create a family with this name and I get to create for it a purpose. I hope and pray the purpose birthed unto this name will well reflect it's happy connotation. 

It is true that names have meaning, purpose, and strength. But mostly I think those qualities are deemed to a name from the way in which the owner of the name displays their own character. Let it be known now I aim for my new name to be a name that inspires happiness, joy, and love!

I looke forward to keeping you posted on what this new life brings!

God bless!

-Emily Gladden :)