Because You Prayed

My darling followers, friends, and family- even strangers I have never met who have reached out to me---because you prayed I wanted to write one blog to share with you what that resulted in.

First of all- thank you. Huge thank you. I have never doubted the power of prayer- even when prayers seem to go unanswered or are answered differently than we may have originally desired. The result of leaning on God and trusting solely in Him always brings good results- even if immediately they do not feel good.

The answer God delivered me today was one that left me feeling so good  that again I cried and was shaking all over but this time out of joy and relief!

Eric's little clone!! <3

When last I left you 5 days ago- Ellie was in no position that the doctors could/would even consider an induction. A C-section was a likely possible option to happen if Ellie did not drop soon. A C-Section is NOT the desired option cardiology speaking but of course was necessary if safer for Ellie and Ellie's only option. We desired for Ellie to drop into the canal so that she may at least have an induction as an option if she decided to not come by her due date which at that time was in 4 days.

After that appointment- after I clung to God and got my heart and attitude focused better on Him- I went out and bought a birthing ball. I continued my daily 5k walks, running, dancing, exercising, and bouncing and rolling on a birthing ball for like literally 4 hours every day. But more than these physical efforts, I focused on my spiritual efforts. I talked aloud and alone in the kitchen, the shower, the hallway to God sorting things out with Him and praising Him for even the less than pleasant news. I prayed big prayers full of faith and I thanked Him for how He has already blessed this pregnancy from the day we were given clearance medically for me to get pregnant. Sometimes God just wants nothing more than to have more connection time with His children and remind them of their focus priorities and to show them His love. God and I grew together a lot over the past 5 days and for that I am thankful.

Today came. I could hardly wait on the clock for my appointment even though I had already tried talking myself into a calm state of no expectations but to only be prepared to praise God for the worst news. **Just to be clear- I have nothing against a medically necessary C-Section- I will do whatever I need to do to care for Ellie and myself--it is the fear of my heart's health that is concerning with a C-section.** I finally saw the doctor and to be discreet- this visit was physically more challenging than the last two checks as the doctor really needed to be certain of the decision that was about to be made. The decision my heart was beginning to race over. Apparently I should have been in a lot of pain today but when I didn't express any signs of pain and just kept deep breathing- the doctor was very pleased stating I had a very high pain tolerance. I was shocked and so was he! I have always thought I was kind of a wimp!! Ha! Maybe being a surviving warrior of 3 open heart surgeries instills some crazy strength in you? But because of that and my stunning health God has allowed me through this 9 month journey-- the doctor was able to lean closer to a decision ( though he still wouldn't tell me which way!) He said that Ellie had over the past 5 days dropped- not a ton- but enough. And that other things were progressing as well. So the last step before calling a decision would be to do a measurement ultrasound of fetal weight and head size. I was so happy to hear this! I have not had an ultrasound since 29 weeks and have missed seeing my Flicker flickering on the screen! They provided me an estimated weight though I won't share as I have friends currently taking a bet on it! After the ultrasound I spoke with the doctor once more and the decision was revealed.

We are being inducted THIS Thursday evening!! And again it was all I could do to maintain composure and hold back the tears so that I could keep listening and focus on instructions!! She will be an August baby, but we do not have to wait another week or week and a half!! We get to meet her THIS week!! All because God is good and He does care and He does answer prayers. Y'all----she dropped! She went from being nowhere near being able to consider an induction to being scheduled for one this week!! Now I know inductions can still lead to C-Sections. But I am in awe...and I don't know why because I have experienced since the first day of my life the power of God- but I am in awe of how God answered y'all's and mine and Eric's prayers for this delivery! We get to finally really meet this stubborn little girl who has fought to hold on for life since her 3rd week when I found out she was in my tummy. Who battled 2 near miscarriages and kept hanging on. Who did not inherit any of mommy's heart defects though her risks were quite high. Who survived my car accident when she was 6 weeks in my tummy. God has allowed scary and challenging times of growth through this pregnancy and overflowed my faith with blessings and total trust. This...THIS right here is WHY no MATTER what God is allowing you to go through- you keep praising Him. You just never know what He is doing, teaching, or blessing. You CANNOT turn away from Him or shut Him out. You do not have to like it but you have to praise and trust Him! I cannot wait to raise Ellie teaching her about what a miracle her life is and how thankful and humble she should be before God for all that He has planned for her life. And He obviously has a plan!

So- again we humbly ask for our prayer warriors to pray a little bit longer for us. Here are my requests, please- again for those who really mean it-

-Safe, uncomplicated delivery for Ellie
-When Ellie undergoes extra cardio testing that her heart be truly without defect as has been the prior result during high risk scans.
-Healthy Ellie, Healthy, quick recovery for Mommy
-Excellent cardio check up in hospital for Mommy as well
-Eric's poor blessed precious nerves and emotions as his favorite girls are being cared for
-Strength

I cannot thank y'all enough for the prayers, messages, texts, and love. This is why we have brothers and sisters in Christ! We love y'all! We are so humbled and grateful!! Here's to that induction!!! WOOOO!

An Ellie Update

Many people have been in-boxing me privately or texting anxiously wanting updates on Ellie as she is due in 4 days. So, I have decided to share a public update after having visited the doctor today as I could use some prayers, please.

Before anybody freaks out- everything is going very healthfully for both Ellie and I. We are both very strong, active, and happy girls. Unfortunately, there is an ironic down side to this little mama being so strong and healthy and that is the strength is hindering my progression of labor. I was mentally and even emotionally prepared today to visit the doctor and have 0 dilation, effacement or any progression at all- despite these darned contractions that I have had for the past 3 weeks. I prepared myself to go back next week- past due and schedule the induction. What I was not ever expectant to hear was "C- Section." Again- before y'all freak out- don't worry! I was told that Ellie has still not dropped or engaged into the pelvic floor at all. And unless she does by 41 weeks, I cannot be induced. An induction would be rather worthless if  Ellie is not engaged. Therefore; if she does not drop by the next week and a half- I should prepare my heart and mind for a C-Section at around 42 weeks.

When I heard this I was actually stunned. I was so strong hearing all the other news but that statement crumbled me inside immediately and I had to work so hard to maintain composure and a smile and a focused mind. A million things were rushing through my head though. Most of you know if you have followed me any bit at all for the past 4 years that my cardiologist had told me that a C- Section would be the least desired option and a last resort when we have no other option. C-Sections are very risky for cardiac patients because we are a different breed y'all. What is a major blessing again in full irony, is that I AM so strong and so healthy and have cared for my body so well by remaining a very active girl and eating healthfully and not slowing down at all and because of this- the concern medically of this heart patient having a C-Section is not as daunting and dangerous as it would be for a cardiac patient who has a lot more going on. Essentially- I have lessened my C-Section risks by staying active and healthy. I am so thankful God has made, kept, and allowed me to be so strong. But, it was an overwhelming shock as you may imagine to hear that medical option when it has been drilled in you that it is not the desired course of action and that my risks are higher with C-Section than a normal mother in labor.

It is also hard knowing that it may still be 2 more whole weeks until I finally meet my little Flicker.

Eric surprised me by showing up for my visit today. I am so glad God placed that on his heart and allowed his schedule to free him to come. I needed my husband. If he had not been sitting in the room with me and the doctor when I heard this, I am not sure I would have held it together. Eric keeps me encouraged. He is my strongest piece. God knows that and took care of me today by sending me my husband darling!

After Eric got me in my car and he left to go back to work, I did have my little breakdown and I cried it out and searched for God in this. I had teased Eric just moments earlier about how God and I have this funny relationship where He ALWAYS makes me wait for everything in the world and never let's me have things in my time....like ever. And I always tell God aloud how He is driving me crazy and He knows it. And I picture Him just laughing at me like, "Oh, my silly girl!" I always trust Him but that doesn't mean I like it. And I let Him know that! May as well be honest- He already knows what I'm thinking! Ha! And sure enough, shortly there after I got my discouraging and disheartening news. In my car, I searched for God before allowing self pity to set in. I texted all who are closest to me and informed them and asked for prayers. God has blessed me with amazing friends and family. The blessings and trace of God I uncovered were that it is a MAJOR blessing that I am not only pregnant (miracle) but that I am also sooooo healthy that it is what is keeping my Ellie happy and strong in my tummy. I uncovered that God may be showing me and the world that I, who am not "supposed to" or "should not" have a C- section, may just have one to prove how limitless God is with giving me (who is not supposed to be alive or have any strength or quality of life let alone a baby) the strength and good health to endure a C-Section. I uncovered that God is truly GOD...like you know...the Creator of all the universe and mine and Ellie's bodies?!?! and these are His bodies that He can do with what He wants to serve His purposes since I have pleaded with God to live inside my heart spiritually and physically!

Nobody ever said I had to like what God does. And let me be honest if it helps...I DON'T like it, today. But that does not for one second mean at all that I do not trust my God, or that I do not tremendously thank Him for His will and knowledge and things that I can't see but He has seen and planned. It does not mean that I do not love God or respect His plan...because I DO!! And it is ok for me to tell Him I don't like it, but I trust Him! Better to tell Him my feelings He already knows I have than to get mad at Him and turn away.

So now- I ask for prayer. And I do not want people to tell me they are praying unless they truly are doing so. I do not take prayer lightly. But if you are a faithful friend and follower who is willing to truly pray, please do pray these things:

- Ellie and I remain healthy and safe
-GOD's WILL is done...(and it will be...)
-If it is God's will- pray that Ellie will drop quickly over the next week.
-If it is God's will- pray that my contractions come faster and stronger if only to assist in pushing Ellie into the pelvic floor.
-Pray for NO C-Section- IF that is God's will.
-If a C-Section is imminent- then please pray for Ellie's safety and the safety of my heart risks with blood loss and fluid overload and stress to the heart and that I will recover quickly and strongly.
-Pray for my sweet Eric who is always so strong and encouraging and selfless for his girls. Pray for him in case he is hiding any nerves because he is just the most amazing man I have ever met and just so insanely strong in every way. He puts his emotions aside to focus on helping and encouraging and helping keep me calm. But he needs care and prayers just as much as I!

Thank y'all for loving us and encouraging us. I will rejoice and delight in whatever God says is best because I love and trust Him. I will just keep walking and runnning and dancing daily while we wait! Thank y'all!

When God Confuses You

Anybody else been thrown for a loop by God before? I think the closer you follow Him and trust Him sometimes the more twists and turns and maybe even a pothole or two your road ahead seems to have. Or maybe it is just me. But I believe this is true because it demands that we keep our focus and attention on what is currently in front of us and that we cling to Him for our safety and the unknown turns around the way. I respect that God works in this weird way. This does not mean I always like it or enjoy it. It is certainly not a Sunday drive through the country side on a sunny fall foliage filled tree day, either!

Most everything in my life that God has allowed me to accomplish or be granted or blessed with has been given to me by God after enduring something, someone, or some place for some amount of time with some level of difficulty. It has rewarded me by strengthening my heart, integrity, character, and most importantly my faith in Christ. I most definitely believe God gives us more than we can handle because we need to handle it with Him- if we could handle life's biggest problems on our own then why would we need God? <---This would be our mentality. It keeps us humble and faithful to sweat things a little while sitting in the palm of God.

I know as a child of God I am serving Him best when I am challenged most because my strength as well as faith have grown in Him allowing my human character to better display the character of Christ as I handle what may seem to be the most impossible and frustrating and maybe even depressing of events. Why would God allow challenges to a weak child of God who is not going to trust Him or let him shine in the ugliest and darkest of times? Everybody has hard times. But hard times are easier to endure when you can repetitively if needed remind yourself that God is your strong tower and He is on your team. Even if you feel abandoned. Know He is standing by waiting for you to shine in His name.

These thoughts were laid on my heart tonight as I sifted through some things I've been praying about with Eric for a long time. There are times I feel strong waiting for God to answer or give peace and there are times I start to feel myself get super selfish, pouty, and unconcerned with what God may be doing- how He has already insanely blessed me- how He may be blessing me in silence or with a time of patience. Why can't He just tell me the answer flat out right now? Yes or no? Stay or Go? When, How, Where...etc. BECAUSE!! I wouldn't grow nor would I trust Him as deeply, nor would I apprecate the answer, truth, and blessing that WILL eventually come. But again- be reminded of how blessed you and I already are. I'm so blessed I feel I don't even have a right to have a desire for more- but I do- and God knows this. I do pray God would take away any desires that were not of His will. Sometimes He does and sometimes I have to keep on waiting in silence and confusion and dodging stupid satan's distractions.

To end my blurb of thoughts God is stirring in my head- I must say- no matter what the situation- minimal or something ginormous- I am comforted and calmed and joyed in knowing that God is smiling in my presence following His promises, always. God CANNOT be unfaithful- it is actually impossible because He is truly perfect. So- when you think He abandoned you or ignored you or laughed at your desire- STOP! He didn't. Keep having faith in Him and I promise- no matter how long it takes- you will see God and you will be overwhelmed and it will be more than you ever imagined or asked for.

I can look at 100% every aspect of my life and see God and His faithfulness and how happy I am that I waited on Him and not me. And I can also see the times I wish I would have waited on Him instead of leaning upon my own "understanding."

I hope this is helpful to any dear person in the silence or in waiting. Call out to Him. Jesus' name is so powerful to just call aloud to Him. I'm serious. And always tell Him thank You, daily for the blessings, but also for even the hard time or silent time He is having you endure. It is confusing- but He is blessing you- not that we even deserve it! Give thanks in all things! :)

Cloth Diapering

My sister used cloth diapers with her babies. I remember thinking she was CRAZY! I even vowed to never change the diapers unless they were disposable. But with time, maturity, and exposure, I realized these things were not that bad. In fact- they are awesome and smart!

Being that I am a stay at home mommy- cloth diapers are a wise choice for my family in saving money. They are no less convenient for us than disposables. My role as a wife and mother is caring for my family and home- including financially. Obeying a budget as well as helping to provide smart and efficient ways to save money so that we can put it towards better things vs throwing it away here and there. It simply required a little education and an open mind. Plus- this is super awesome for the environment. Always a good bonus. But, it is something each family will have to look into and decide for themselves what they find most beneficial in daily living. Again, for the Gladden 3, it made perfect sense.

My sister donated 44 cute little cloth diaper shells with cloth inserts to Ellie. Here, in this blog, is what she taught me and showed me and I researched in order to make this decision easy, beneficial, and efficient.

How to care for the diapers / What you Need:  ***NOTE: The diaper care given below is for specifically "pocket diapers."

When changing the diaper, any poop should be first sprayed with a hose attachment into the toilet. Then the diaper insert needs to be be detached from the shell- then both parts placed into the special diaper pail.

Above is the Water sprayer to attach to toilet, and the spray board to which you attach the soiled diaper. The board holds the diaper in the clip, easily fits within the toilet seat, then is sprayed and relieved of any heavy soil. Then simply flush toilet. Bought from Amazon.

(Above: Cloth Diaper pail and reusable bag to hold the soiled diapers between washings. Best to purchase 2 of these pail liners so that one may be a replacement while one is being washed. Again- we found on Amazon.)

 If in public- shake off into the toilet and then place in your wet bag to transfer home. There are cloth diaper special "wet bags" made to contain odor and soil discreetly in public until they can be transfered to the pail at home or the wash. These just go into the diaper bag.

Here is the kind we bought from Amazon:

Diapers should be washed every 2-3 days. With a newborn, I suggest not exceeding 2 days between washes.

In the diaper pail, there is a slot in the lid for a charcoal filter. This filter is used to absorb odors between washings. It is disposable and lasts approximately 4-5 months. Just use good sense......of smell! ;)

Time for the washer! So we have separated the insert from the shell and sprayed off poop into toilet. (Side note: Breastfeeding mamas may not always have need of a pre-spray as poop consistency is different from formula fed babies.)

Now, take your diaper pail bag full of soiled diapers and wet bag from the diaper bag to the washing machine and dump inside.  No more than 24 diapers at a time. You do not want to overload the washer as to be sure the soap gets to each piece thoroughly. I tend to average a dozen per load. The amount of diapers used and washed will change as baby grows and has less wet/dirty diapers. The laundry loads will be a little heavier in the beginning. But, it easily becomes routine.

First-  Do a soak cycle with NO detergent.
Second-  A HOT wash cycle with detergent with extra rinse.
Third-  A final rinse cycle.

The purpose of the seemingly excessive rinsing is very important as it fully rids diapers of lingering detergent. This can be very irritating to baby if not thoroughly rinsed away.

Then simply dry diapers in dryer at a lower heat and speed. A gentle dry. Once dry, reassemble the insert inside the shell and put away.

As for the detergent you use- you want to be sure it is safe and gentle for baby but also free of fabric softeners found in baby clothing detergent such as Dreft as the softeners over time break down the absorbency of the cloth diaper. I make my family's own detergent that is safe for babies and softener free- but I do use Tide original powder detergent on the diapers as was highly recommended for cleanliness of the soiled cloth and safe for baby.

Another step we have taken in order to cut costs and save money as well as care for the environment is to not use disposable wipes but instead use cloth wipes. The cloth wipes were given to me by my sister as well but are basically like little baby wash cloths. I wash these with the diapers. For a clean, wet, wash on baby's bottom we use Kissaluvs, "Diaper Lotion Potion Spray." It uses tea tree oil and lavender essential oils. It can be sprayed either on cloth wipe or sprayed directly on baby's bottom.
Once again- we purchased from Amazon.

Diaper Stripping: Every 3 or 4 months, the cloth diapers need to be "stripped." This is to ensure diapers remain absorbent, stink free, and are rid of any ammonia build up. To do this, do your normal wash routine, and add up to half a cup of bleach to the wash routine. When rinsing do 2 rinse cycles,  and make sure all suds are gone. If you still see suds, do another rinse cycle.

There are natural alternatives to diaper stripping, you can research without the use of bleach. Know that the bleach does not have affect on baby's bottom if rinsed properly.

Financial Benefit:

I found this chart of averages of money spent per child/ per diaper/ per brand/ over a 3 year period at an avg. of  8 diaper changes a day. This does not include the cost of wipes.

We are VERY fortunate that my sister supplied us with diapers and cloths. So our cost is/ will total much less than $800 over a 2 year period as I plan to potty train using the "naked technique" at age 2 with Ellie. But for those who do have to buy all of their diapers and supplies and for whatever reason continue diapering for 3 years- the price comparison is still quite a difference. Again though, the cloth diapering has to be feasible for your family and lifestyle for the best benefit---though, I will say, one of my closest friends is a working mama and her and her husband manage to easily and successfully use cloth diapers, too. It can be done with the right willing day-care and ambition.

This chart shows another comparison of averages but it also shows that there is a resale value to cloth diapering. So the money you put into it you may also redeem a percentage back into your wallet. Really makes you think about what you could put that saved money towards in the future.