An Ellie Update

Many people have been in-boxing me privately or texting anxiously wanting updates on Ellie as she is due in 4 days. So, I have decided to share a public update after having visited the doctor today as I could use some prayers, please.

Before anybody freaks out- everything is going very healthfully for both Ellie and I. We are both very strong, active, and happy girls. Unfortunately, there is an ironic down side to this little mama being so strong and healthy and that is the strength is hindering my progression of labor. I was mentally and even emotionally prepared today to visit the doctor and have 0 dilation, effacement or any progression at all- despite these darned contractions that I have had for the past 3 weeks. I prepared myself to go back next week- past due and schedule the induction. What I was not ever expectant to hear was "C- Section." Again- before y'all freak out- don't worry! I was told that Ellie has still not dropped or engaged into the pelvic floor at all. And unless she does by 41 weeks, I cannot be induced. An induction would be rather worthless if  Ellie is not engaged. Therefore; if she does not drop by the next week and a half- I should prepare my heart and mind for a C-Section at around 42 weeks.

When I heard this I was actually stunned. I was so strong hearing all the other news but that statement crumbled me inside immediately and I had to work so hard to maintain composure and a smile and a focused mind. A million things were rushing through my head though. Most of you know if you have followed me any bit at all for the past 4 years that my cardiologist had told me that a C- Section would be the least desired option and a last resort when we have no other option. C-Sections are very risky for cardiac patients because we are a different breed y'all. What is a major blessing again in full irony, is that I AM so strong and so healthy and have cared for my body so well by remaining a very active girl and eating healthfully and not slowing down at all and because of this- the concern medically of this heart patient having a C-Section is not as daunting and dangerous as it would be for a cardiac patient who has a lot more going on. Essentially- I have lessened my C-Section risks by staying active and healthy. I am so thankful God has made, kept, and allowed me to be so strong. But, it was an overwhelming shock as you may imagine to hear that medical option when it has been drilled in you that it is not the desired course of action and that my risks are higher with C-Section than a normal mother in labor.

It is also hard knowing that it may still be 2 more whole weeks until I finally meet my little Flicker.

Eric surprised me by showing up for my visit today. I am so glad God placed that on his heart and allowed his schedule to free him to come. I needed my husband. If he had not been sitting in the room with me and the doctor when I heard this, I am not sure I would have held it together. Eric keeps me encouraged. He is my strongest piece. God knows that and took care of me today by sending me my husband darling!

After Eric got me in my car and he left to go back to work, I did have my little breakdown and I cried it out and searched for God in this. I had teased Eric just moments earlier about how God and I have this funny relationship where He ALWAYS makes me wait for everything in the world and never let's me have things in my time....like ever. And I always tell God aloud how He is driving me crazy and He knows it. And I picture Him just laughing at me like, "Oh, my silly girl!" I always trust Him but that doesn't mean I like it. And I let Him know that! May as well be honest- He already knows what I'm thinking! Ha! And sure enough, shortly there after I got my discouraging and disheartening news. In my car, I searched for God before allowing self pity to set in. I texted all who are closest to me and informed them and asked for prayers. God has blessed me with amazing friends and family. The blessings and trace of God I uncovered were that it is a MAJOR blessing that I am not only pregnant (miracle) but that I am also sooooo healthy that it is what is keeping my Ellie happy and strong in my tummy. I uncovered that God may be showing me and the world that I, who am not "supposed to" or "should not" have a C- section, may just have one to prove how limitless God is with giving me (who is not supposed to be alive or have any strength or quality of life let alone a baby) the strength and good health to endure a C-Section. I uncovered that God is truly GOD...like you know...the Creator of all the universe and mine and Ellie's bodies?!?! and these are His bodies that He can do with what He wants to serve His purposes since I have pleaded with God to live inside my heart spiritually and physically!

Nobody ever said I had to like what God does. And let me be honest if it helps...I DON'T like it, today. But that does not for one second mean at all that I do not trust my God, or that I do not tremendously thank Him for His will and knowledge and things that I can't see but He has seen and planned. It does not mean that I do not love God or respect His plan...because I DO!! And it is ok for me to tell Him I don't like it, but I trust Him! Better to tell Him my feelings He already knows I have than to get mad at Him and turn away.

So now- I ask for prayer. And I do not want people to tell me they are praying unless they truly are doing so. I do not take prayer lightly. But if you are a faithful friend and follower who is willing to truly pray, please do pray these things:

- Ellie and I remain healthy and safe
-GOD's WILL is done...(and it will be...)
-If it is God's will- pray that Ellie will drop quickly over the next week.
-If it is God's will- pray that my contractions come faster and stronger if only to assist in pushing Ellie into the pelvic floor.
-Pray for NO C-Section- IF that is God's will.
-If a C-Section is imminent- then please pray for Ellie's safety and the safety of my heart risks with blood loss and fluid overload and stress to the heart and that I will recover quickly and strongly.
-Pray for my sweet Eric who is always so strong and encouraging and selfless for his girls. Pray for him in case he is hiding any nerves because he is just the most amazing man I have ever met and just so insanely strong in every way. He puts his emotions aside to focus on helping and encouraging and helping keep me calm. But he needs care and prayers just as much as I!

Thank y'all for loving us and encouraging us. I will rejoice and delight in whatever God says is best because I love and trust Him. I will just keep walking and runnning and dancing daily while we wait! Thank y'all!