The Night We Became Parents To Ellie Clardy Gladden

August 1, 2017. 5:30 a.m. - I woke up. Eric had been up since 3:30 and left for work shortly after so that he could run a chemical reaction at work. Most mornings, Eric is up at 5:30 for work and Ellie has grown accustomed to this schedule and awakens wildly with him....thus also waking mommy. But, this particular morning I felt no such activity from Ellie. 6 a.m. rolled around and up I was to brush teeth, make breakfast and start the busy day as usual. I found it peculiar but not particularly alarming that I had not felt Ellie yet. I carried on with breakfast, a 5k walk, some exercising, a trip to the groceries, and a shower. Usually when I am busy like this I don't feel much activity until I've sat down for a moment. It was in the shower that I noticed again-- I really have not felt Ellie outside of a round little butt to the ribs a couple times. While just the day before her jabs had me gasping for breath! I got out of the shower with the decision I would check in on her with my fetal doppler. I was officially on edge and anxious. Not only does the doppler assure me her heart is still beating like it should be, but Ellie hates the thing and always kicks it violently. I managed to find her heart rate in the healthy 150's but no kicks, no movements....not even a flutter. So, I continued my chores and prayed as I worked for God to make her move so I knew she was ok. I prepared and cooked an entire dinner.

3:30 p.m. rolls around. Eric is home and digging up grass in the backyard preparing  for our patio we will soon be creating. I open the back door-- anxious enough now that I am breaking my comfort zones of anxiety and letting somebody else in on my fears.

"I don't feel her moving and really haven't much all day. I know her heart is beating but I am concerned." my words to Eric.

He suggests I sit and try to focus on her movement, try to stimulate her first. I quickly told him how I had done this many times already today and I closed the door and anxiously paced the kitchen and talked to God. God revealed to me so that I even said it aloud to myself.... I am Ellie's voice and advocate. It would be a stupid risk to not call the doctor. I would rather be an annoying paranoid patient than not speak up and something terrible be happening.  I called the doctor and in the next hour I had been told to head to labor and delivery triage at the hospital to check out why the lack of movement. I grabbed Eric who had showered in the meantime and he packed the car with our bags....just in case.

I said to him and to myself in the car....I am probably just paranoid but I would rather have confirmation that all is well. He agreed and we joked about how this could  be our practice run for Thursday- when my induction was scheduled.

Arrive at triage. I am hooked up and before the millions of typical questions can be completely answered-  one of my OBs was admitting us to the hospital telling us we are having a baby TONIGHT. It was the kind of comment that purposely came out of her mouth in a smiley and nonchalant manner as to catch a good reaction from her audience. And that she got! I froze and rewound her words and she stared at me smiling. I said...um, wait...like she is coming....tonight?! right now?! And with a big nodding yes and smile away i was whipped into a delivery room.

I was bawling my eyes out with joyful emotions! It was just not at all what i had expected to hear. I thought I would be home in the next 30 minutes.

20 minutes after being in the delivery room and meeting many new faces....It was explained to us that the reason we have been admitted was because of the lack of activity from Ellie.

The doctor told me my mother's intuition was spot on...Ellie was not moving and she was not a happy girl. She wants out now. She continued to explain that I had 2 options. And I knew then what was before us and I tensed up and squeezed Eric as he rubbed my hair. The two options were to continue with an induction and see how it goes knowing that it is very unlikely it will progress nor does it seem safe as Ellie would be in distress if we waited too long and then had to turn to what would be the second option---a C-Section. When I heard C-Section.....I began to cry very hard because I KNEW it was the right option. How does somebody who has had 3 open heart surgeries find a C-Section daunting? It is a big procedure that I have had the blessing of helping perform when I was still doing clinical rotations. Anybody who says a C-Section is the easy way out is an idiot. Sorry, not sorry.

A C -Section scared me because of my cardiac risks- which at this point were way below the risks for Ellie if we didn't go this route. A C- Section scared me because I do know what they do and I do know what it looks like and is happening and the risks. It was surgery. I have not had major surgery in 22 years. I was scared, but I was more scared of not doing it of what could happen to Ellie. So I cried and I said yes. Let's do this right now. Eric gave me courage and love and motivation. Ellie empowered me with my love for her and the desire to start being a good mommy from the very behinning by doing what is best for her. I remembered God was in control and He had nudged me to get here to the hospital to check on my daughter and now this was God saying this is His plan. And I knew it and I saw Him in all of it. And I tearfully obeyed and turned it over once again to Him. I gave Him my heart physically and Ellie's life. And away we were whisked once again to L&D OR.

I felt the most out of control of my body I have ever felt. I felt hot and sweaty, numb and tingly, without breath though I had 100% O2 stats. I felt high and dizzy. Eric came in looking sexy in some bunny suit scrubs. He stayed near and prepared for pics of Ellie.  Then the moment came. They had reached her and it was time for her to come out into the bright, loud, crazy world! I looked above me and saw Eric's smile, dimples, and happy creases around his eyes. I heard his joy and emotion in his voice...then.....I heard my baby girl....my daughter...crying! And I burst into possibly  the happiest, ugliest, hardest tears I have ever cried! I had not even seen her face. But I heard her voice and it belonged to us!! When I saw her face I cried even harder!! She came out healthy and happy and pink.

I was soon told that the reason for her inactivity was becsuse the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 4 TIMES! In fact- the ultrasound we had performed in 4d just 24 hours prior did not even pick that up and apparently often does not. This baby who was suspected by all doctors to be 8 lbs. came out at 6 lbs and 14 oz. She had restricted growth at the end due to lesser oxygen. However, God kept her healthy and He called on me and placed in my heart and mind an intuition to act...even if I just looked like a paranoid first time mom.

Now we are resting peacefully with our beautiful and sweet and happy, healthy baby girl. She has started out life as a pro with breastfeeding. She did not wait around for anybody to show her how! She has the best and sweetest attitude.  She is funny already and makes me laugh! I love being her mommy and am so grateful God allowed me to physically be able to carry a baby when I was not supposed to be able to. He helped Ellie and I survive a lot of crazy times this pregnancy. And He has made her our miracle. The fact that her life exists after all we have done for this moment is a miracle.

We are finally a family of 3 with our beautiful baby girl!! Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support! We finally made it! Praise our awesome God!