Doing Life

We talk about how we can’t wait to “do life” with our significant other. We get the ring and we think about all the life ahead of us and how we get to do it together. We go in knowing hard times will come but we never consider what they could be or how long they could last. For me, “hard times” would be deaths or maybe job changes. I never imagined that sometimes huge blessings that God grants can come with hard times too. When I pictured “doing life” I pictured snuggling on the couch and not having to go home because I would already be home. I pictured vacations, adventures, dogs, cooking and food experiences, travel, and promotions. I pictured growing old and our hair turning white and our butts getting saggy together lol! But I never imagined that a season could last so long or be so hard even when it is really a blessing.

Right now, Eric and I are doing school. He is the one enrolled in courses and working full time and I am the cheerleader on the sidelines. Being a cheerleader for this college boy looks a lot like making sure he has food to keep him nourished, energized, and give him focus. I cheer him on by giving him a clean and de-cluttered space to come home to that is relaxing and that will offer him a safe haven from the busy day. I cheer him on by cutting the grass. 9.2 miles by push mower since we can’t seem to get the riding mower belt working longer than 1/2 an acre. Cheerleading looks like preparing his clothes for the next day, running all the errands, caring for Ellie, teaching Ellie, and a lot of lonely times. (Which as an introverted person is not terrible)....I just miss my Eric. I miss having long conversations and being slightly more care free. I sacrifice a lot of self care and time to unwind for myself.

Eric sacrifices more important things like being able to see and experience all the cool things I am privileged to take Ellie to do. He wants more than anything to be present but his schedule is impossible in this season. He sacrifices almost all sleep as he gets up before the sun and comes home long after it has gone down. He comes home and studies. His weekends are not weekends, they are a few hours of reprieve that he invests in his family before having to study or work on projects again.

This all started 3 years ago just before we got pregnant with Ellie. We planned school, Ellie, selling and building a home all at once but not necessarily to be done all at once....it’s just the way God willed it. Which is what keeps me going, knowing this is God’s plan. Most of the time, God’s perfect plans looks and sound insane to us. Like....”you’re kidding right, God?!” He wants us to trust Him and He wants to strengthen us. That doesn’t mean that these such times aren’t frustrating and hard and annoying. They feel impossible and burdensome. Eric has done so very well and continues to do so. For a long time, I held in my loneliness and stress. I felt in order to support him I couldn’t tell him how hard this was on me. I WANT him in school. I WANT him to achieve his dreams and goals and passions. I would be disappointed in him if he did not. I would be disappointed in me for not pushing him to those ambitions. But it is hard on both of us. He misses us and we miss him. We are exhausted and stressed and only get weeks in between semesters to feel like a family again. But that is “doing life”. Life is what God says it is. God gave Eric and I partners in each other on earth to help each other “do” life. Whatever that life looks like. One day, we will be finished with this season and we will be so strong and better for it. Our teamwork together will give us such a powerful stepping stone in marriage. His hard work and work ethic will be such a beautiful example for Ellie. I am one proud wife. This is the hardest life I have ever known up until now. I especially feel most people don’t understand how much it is I am actually doing here at home or how much work I am picking up that is usually shared between two people. I have desire only to spend weekends with my family because otherwise our family would never have any time together. I am a family woman and I am in love with what God gave me. They come first on this earth and are only second to God. I feel that people don’t realize how much Eric is actually doing and taking on. Because on top of this ridiculous schedule of work and school, he is still first focused on his role as father and husband to is and he excels there too. My heart breaks sometimes knowing how silly, goofy, laugh filled, joyful and care free this man is and seeing him so weighed down by the weight of this season of life. It is so beautiful to see him have a moment of relief and see him laughing and relaxing. Apart from my daddy, I have never met a man who worked as hard as he does while still putting his family first. Never complaining.

And why is it taking so long? 5 years to be exact for 2 normal years of school. It is taking so long because Eric is taking only a couple courses at a time so he can keep working full time so I can continue to stay home and care for our Ellie. The man is so so so good to us.

I am so thankful for the very true friends God granted me who understand this season of life and are prayer warriors. They understand when I would rather just spend my free time with Eric. They understand family is first. They understand because they feel the same. They pour into my soul and pray for me and Eric when my soul is too burdened to pray. I just lay st the cross and ask the Holy Spirit to speak for me. It is a joy and honor to “do life” with Eric. I will be so so so happy when we can be through this time and He can see the fruit of the seeds he sowed in this journey. Life doesn’t
 always feel like a sunny beach day complete with a cold drink in hand. Sometimes it is pretty hard and a struggle. I am happy to do life with Eric and am immensely proud of him. We need prayers every single day as we follow the path God has laid for us and as we work our hardest to remain faithful and seek Him in every step. One day, he will wear a cap and gown and have that Clemson ring and his smile will radiate all the way up to those beautiful gray hair on giant head and his dimples will be so deep and I will cry huge tears of pride and joy in my husband. He will accomplish this. I believe in him and I most importantly believe in the love and faithfulness of God Who holds us in His strong right hand. We can “do” this, E!