Ellie: 2 Months

Oct. 1, 2017. Ellie is 2 months old today! I feel like I was just in June begging for July, and now here we are in Fall.

Ellie is 23.125 inches long and weighs a little over 12 lbs.
She drinks 6 oz bottles and sleeps all night long--and so do mommy and daddy praise the Lord. She started this the day she turned 1 month old. Only every few nights do I get up just once a night with her. Routines are beautiful things and have made life much easier with this little baby doll!

She has decided she loves bath time now. I moved her tub into my big garden tub with the dimming lights and window-- I guess she thinks she is at the spa! Diva. She kicks and splashes her water and laughs as we play! She loves to try and drink the water on her face. She sticks her little tongue out and smacks her lips!
She loves to dance, go outside, go running with mommy, play with Mr. Starfish...a musical blinking starfish on her play mat, and loves her toy crab we named Mr. Remoulade. She can stand on her own by just holding my hands, and she loves to stand up and look around. We daily continue making her very strong by doing many many exercises for her neck, legs, arms, and mind. We sing songs and make silly sounds together which makes her laugh and smile such a big wide smile that I love so much. I feel my heart gasp and jump as it fills with excitement and joy and love when playing with Ellie.  She is starting to roll over but we do not have it down just yet. She can roll to her side all on her own. she can also scoot and advance forward or turn her body 180°. She still loves tummy time. She can plank!!! She gets on her toes and arms and lifts her entire body up off the mat for quite some time. This happens when she is trying to crawl. I am impressed. I think she planks longer than I can. Ha!

She got to meet her Mommy's best friends, Lala and Savvy, and she already knows they are going to spoil her rotten! She got time with her cousins (aka her siblings) and loves and adores them and they think she is a real life cute baby doll.

Ellie loves Blondie and Blondie loves Ellie. Cajun keeps his distance but checks on her from time to time when she gets fussy.

She got to dress for her first football season cheering on the Wolverines and The Clemson Tigers...even if she is not allowed to watch TV... haha! She got to celebrate with Daddy and Mommy for our birthdays, too! She took her first outing with us as a family, and joined Mommy for running errands for the first time. She did great!

She will get her first round of shots in a couple of days...I hope it hurts me more than her! I know I am going to cry! But I will be strong for her!

She has changed drastically over the past month and I am having soooo much fun being her mommy and watching her grow and learn and bonding with her daily. We have learned so much about each other and I can't wait to see what the next month brings!

Photo time. Pics of the past months with Ellie!

Ellie Made Me Stronger

I am a serious runner....and by serious I mean that I make goals and semi compete- at least with my own self by running several races a year. It is fun for me but also a challenge to overcome goals. 5ks, 10ks, and occasionally different marathons or fun runs. I am not a professional runner and I am not insanely fast. But by saying "serious", I mean that it is important, fun, and a big goal for me. It is a blessing that God has allowed me to be healthy and strong enough to run the distances that I do. I have no limits in Jesus' book. I have been seriously running races since I was 19.

Being able to run has been a huge blessing because in 6th grade, I was asked by one of the high school coaches to run cross country after he saw me running at school, taking it seriously, but having fun. I decided to wait (due to being very shy and quiet then) until I reached high school to pursue running as an athletic extra curricular. I participated with the track team at the start of the season in the cold weather for the first 2 weeks of training. We were asked to turn in physicals and medical clearances to be permitted to run that season. So off I went healthy as a horse to my Dr. to get a routine physical and letter of clearance. But he did not clear me. Essentially, with my heart, he feared that the extra exhilaration and adrenaline from the desire to win my race would over drive my heart and he could be held liable. So I was not medically permitted to run track. I cried and cried and at 16 years old, snuggled up in my daddy's lap and let him console me with the word of truth and listened to him explain God's plans are sometimes difficult to endure but they always have a perfect purpose. It seemed so unfair. It was a time that I did not value my heart problems and felt different and restricted. It even made me angry because I ran for miles and miles with no shortness of breath all of the time, but yet one Dr. shut down all that joy and natural talent.

I got to college and was running more than ever and stronger than ever, every single day. There was one day I decided to just park my car and run from Seneca to Central and back to Seneca. and I did it. Just because I wanted to. No training necessary. How could God give me a natural gift and not let me use it to earn scholarships or compete? I still do not know that answer. God does not always reveal His reasons, but we have to continually trust Him. I had a best friend at the time who I got into running and she began running every day with me. We then ran our very first 5k together. And from then on we ran countless races together, bought our first pro running shoes, gear, and other cool running items as it became a passion. We traveled and ran and increased our mileage. We even ran our first marathon together--one of the hardest things I have ever done....but I did it! I ran a marathon! No Dr. note needed. I constantly say I am the Nike girl -"Just Do It." And so I do.

All this to say - My best average time running has always been 28 mins for a 5k. I once did 27 but it was mostly downhill so I don't count that, haha! Not very fast but I always placed in every race I ran. I cannot run faster. It is the fastest I can possibly go with my pulmonary valve being non existent and having quite a large leak and enlarged heart. I can't get enough oxygen to breathe better, I go dizzy if I try to go any harder. I literally just can't. My pending surgery will fix this.

When I say Ellie made me stronger- I mean- before I had her, I was still running and doing the same average speed. I would run in my neighborhood which is packed with large challenging hills and could not run the entire thing without pausing for what I call 3 "legs " of the route. 3 days ago, my 5k time was 31 mins and it was basically the best I could do. I would get finished and be covered in sweat and just DONE. But I felt sonething in me surface. A desire to get back to my 28 min 5k. So I told Eric,  by the end of September I will be back at 28 mins. It will take me at least that long. The next day, I ran my neighborhood. With Ellie. Who has gotten fat and heavy praise the Lord. Haha! And her stroller. And for the first time ever- with added weight and strain- I ran the entire hood, hills and all without stopping. May seem minor, but I never have had the breathing capacity to do this. I was amazed. I could tell then I was stronger. So today, I decided--why not try? Why not go for it? I ran my 5k in  28 mins. I did it! I looked like I went for a dip in the pool...but I did it! In 3 days I achieved my goal I would have been lucky to accomplish in 2 weeks. Ellie instilled in me some new strength. I mean literally yes...I carried an extra 50 lbs on these legs when she was in my tummy...but I believe figuratively she also has put in me some desire to be stronger for her and for my family and for myself. To fight for life. To fight for my heart. To honor this body God gave me. God made me stronger by saving me and by giving me Ellie to open up a whole new world of strength in my life. I truly believe that.

I have many goals especially after having just had a baby 6.5 weeks ago. I am determined to beat the odds, the Drs. , and show this world how limitless God is. I am gonna let God use this body for His glory by striving to keep healthy, strong, and devoted to seeking Him in all aspects. Next 2 goals- Make 28 mins feel stronger, then move on to a 27 min 5k. No time limit on this goal accomplishment other than ASAP. Then I will break back into 10k running. I am very thankful God has allowed me to live so unlimited. He has made me stronger by giving me a baby--not weaker as Drs would tell you should have happened. And I may talk about that a lot but that is my story and my life and I am honored to possess it. Praises to the only one true King.

The Condition Of My Heart After Enduring Pregnancy

Before I got pregnant, I was told to prepare my mind and body that my heart would be weakened by pregnancy. Pregnancy and the strain and stress it and a delivery bring...especially when I delivered in the least preferred method for my heart's safety (C-Section) ...was expected to enlarge my heart, weaken it, causing more shortness of breath and flutters, and would bring my pending pulmonary valve replacement surgery to a closer date as my heart would be further enlarged-causing a larger pulmonary valve leak.

I have checked in with my cardiologist twice and undergone an echocardiogram since carrying and delivering Ellie. The Dr. stated I have sailed through this entire adventure. I have surpassed expectations.  The echocardiogram revealed that my heart is still very strong and though enlarged by pregnancy (in addition to my condition caused enlargement), it is recovering very well and the size is coming back down. There is no talk or estimate of when my surgery will be which I take to be a good thing. This means it is not going to be any time soon. God willing, of course!

I have been given clearance to run again though I must admit I started again anyway....I am a runner!! It is so hard to stop! It is one of the main reasons my report is this good! God is the number one reason!

The Dr. did tell Eric and I...that because the risks were already so high to get pregnant the first time, they are now even higher should we want a second baby. She told me as best as we can control it to not get pregnant for at least another two years as it would be very dangerous. Even after those two years pass, then my awaited surgery will come into play- increasing the risks even after a couple years of healing. Personally,  Eric and I feel that it is a "God thing " that we do not desire a second child and we discussed this long before we ever tried for one baby. There are just so many more risks to having a second and I want to be strong and healthy for the daughter I do have now and for Eric. People with differing opinions need not comment as frankly your opinion doesn't affect our desires, plans, or the reality of my health and the disadvantages it brings. I believe God prepared our hearts for this by not giving us a desire for more children. But mercy, are we ever thankful for our one little miracle girl God allowed us to try for then granted! If Eric and I were to become pregnant with another baby in the future against our plans and the Dr's plans- -- then we would rejoice in God knowing He had a different and bigger plan. But as of now, our decision is to be so happy and thankful for our baby Ellie and focus on keeping my heart as strong and healthy as possible so that I may have a longer life expectancy and put off surgery and all the surgeries to follow the 4th one of my life. Once they get started, then I will always need my artificial valve replaced after a matter of years. The heart can only take being cut open so many times, so.....we choose to have one baby unless God provides another miracle of His own divine plan...even if it is not our plan. It was truly a miracle we were even able to bring Ellie into the world. I hope this makes sense. But if not--my value comes from God and not the opinions of other flawed people on this earth. People like to make others feel so shamed for not doing things 100% the way they would...especially other mothers. It is really ridiculous. We pray about everything and follow where God leads us. We feel so blessed that we have Ellie, she and I are both healthy, and that I am healing well. Ellie will undergo an EKG soon to once again confirm her heart is perfect. More on that when we know!

Thank y'all for following our journey of a heart healthy life and pregnancy and praying us through!  God did this and the prayers y'all sent Him were heard and answered!

Mind Blown

I am sitting in my glider in the dark feeding Ellie her nightly start of bedtime bottle and I am looking around the nursery by only the light of her elephant lamp and sound maker. And my mind is blown. Truly truly blown.  I look into her glowing big wide eyes and listen to the sounds of her coos as she takes the milk. I created this?? This...human, this child, this little girl? God allowed me to create this life whom He created a purpose for to serve Him?!

I've said it countless times...so many in fact that at times I feel like a robot spinning out the same programmed information. About my life and how I am not supposed to be alive. But hold up....literally....I am not supposed to be alive. My heart was a medical anomaly and mystery. A true blunder to the mind. An experiment. I am NOT supposed to be alive. I was NOT supposed to be able to function if I lived. I was NOT supposed to be able to safely have a baby...for either of our bodies. How on earth can such negativity be conquored?! Jesus. Plain and Simple.

I look into the eyes of my daughter...my greatest blessing, challenge, and humbler...and I am truly overwhelmed with God's grace, faithfulness, and miracles. My existence is a miracle. It truly is. I wish everybody could hear the story from my parents...their testimony of my traumatic start at life. It is how God brought my dad to salvation. Hearing his testimony of finding Jesus became my testimony as it was through him God made my heart realize I needed Jesus. And now having Jesus' love and salvation has allowed me to live just shy of 20 years witnessing God's miracles. Including my own personal miracles.

My life, my husband, my Ellie...these are my miracles. Each has their own long story. May seem simple and may seem sappy and unoriginal. Fine. If that is how you perceive it....it does not matter...I see God when I see these things. I literally see the work of my Lord and Savior when I look at these three things and those are miracles God blessed me with that I pray I never forget or take advantage of. I want to live my life for God because He allowed me life and a nonrestricted life at that. I want to always honor, respect, and appreciate my husband privately and publicly because God blessed my deepest desires with this man. I do not always succeed at this but I strive to keep my husband only second to God always. I want to lift Ellie up to God and give Him her life because he gave her life to me. I need and want God and desire His glory in all aspects of life.

My mind is blown as I look around this nursery and see where God has brought my life that should not medically exist. I should not have life and yet I live it and have even created a life--and all with a man I love and adore and appreciate and admire more than anything else on this earth.

All this from feeding my daughter a bottle.

If you listen...if you look....you can see God everywhere. Tonight....I saw Him in a nursery.

Ellie: One Month

One month of life for Miss Ellie, One month of being a mommy and daddy! What a joy, honor, privilege, and blessing!

The first two weeks of Ellie's life were a time of figuring out nourishment, working hard to gain weight, and little to no sleep. While Ellie was a natural and excellent breastfeeder with a perfect latch, this little mama was unable to produce enough milk to help Ellie grow. She began to fall behind on the growth chart and was already smaller than expected at birth due to the cord wrapped around her neck 4 times. We made the switch to formula after 2 weeks of giving it all we had and Miss Ellie became the happiest we had yet seen her! While the decision was another tough one, it was the selfless option as pride was pushed aside and Ellie's belly could finally get satisfied. A happy healthy baby is always the best choice.  Ellie beefed up quickly as we started formula during a normal period of growth spurt. She became a milkaholic quickly! We loved being able to finally see her grow and be playful and sleep well.

Ellie smiles in her sleep. She loves tummy time. She loves to sit up straight with help and look around the room. Ellie hates bath time. Ellie loves her jogging stroller and going for long walks with mommy- she takes a good long nap. She at times will be drinking a bottle and stop to look in my eyes, stop sucking and smile. Ellie loves to have stories read to her and turns her head to listen with eyes wide open. The end of a storybook tends to bring her into a good nap. Ellie loves to stretch and kick her arms and legs. She loves front porch sitting-a true Southern Belle.

Born at 6 lbs. 14 oz. and 20.5 inches long, Ellie now is ~ 9 lbs and 21.25 inches long. Her eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair are all growing longer. Hard to say if she is dark blonde or a light brunette....my guess is the latter.

We are so thankful to God for the gift and responsibility of being Ellie's parents. Truly, I say again what a true miracle her life is. We have endured so much to be able to hold this little nugget. I spent years of my life being told I may not have the option of safely having a child--to being told I could handle pregnancy but the window of time given to us was not lining up--to being able to beat that window of time with my good health--to undergoing several pre-pregnancy diagnostics to test my body's strength--to finding out I was pregnant with little Flicker--to then having my body threaten to abort her twice--overcoming that only to have a very intense car wreck that could have been fatal for both Ellie and I if God had not intervened--to overcoming Ellie's potential high risks for congenital heart defects--to remaining heart healthy myself//handling pregnancy better than medically anticipated--to a near emergent C-Section delivery as Ellie was losing oxygen and not able to move due to the cord wrapped around her neck four times--to daily snuggling and looking into her big bright eyes! What a journey. Many years involved. Praise God.

Thank you to all who have been so kind and respectful of mine and Eric's wishes and rules as we care for our baby to keep her healthy, help her grow, following her and my doctors orders for a healthy start, my recovery and as Eric and I both adjust and learn about the joy and challenge of being parents. They may seem silly to some, (friends and I have even joked about them together) but they serve a great purpose for the well being of our daughter, and again, we are thankful for the respect and love we have been shown from our friends. It won't be too much longer until we invite our friends over to meet the newest Gladden!

And now some photos of her first month of life!!: In the first picture you can see the cord wrapped around her neck, poor baby!

Bouncing Back After Baby

"I am only going to gain 25 lbs when I get pregnant." .....said I a year ago as if I had much of a choice in the matter. The only choice I could make to this matter was to maintain eating healthfully and keep up my exercises.
 I gained 50 lbs. And I gained that while maintaining my very healthy lifestyle. Granted...I had a ton of extra fluid than the normal pregnant woman thanks to my messed up circulatory system- but, I had no further control other than the food I ate and the activity level I maintained over the weight I gained. I gained what my body needed to healthfully grow little Ellie.

But, I still want to care for my body to maintain excellent health especially of my heart. I want to know and be confident in doing all I can to spark attraction and interest from my husband ( though he would tell you he always finds me beautiful.) Though scripture tells us beauty is fleeting, I do think it is important and respectful of your spouse to want to look good for them! It means I care about his attention even if he does give me the same loving attention when I have unwashed messy hair, no makeup on, glasses, wearing his workout clothes, and my retainer in! Haha!! I want to have confidence in my own self and I see nothing wrong with that so long as it does not consume me or become an idol. Healthy body- healthy lifestyle- these are my consistent goals even before I was ever pregnant and didn't have a new "mom bod" to work on. And for the record let me state...yes...I am thankful and blessed to have had the chance to obtain a mom bod. A blessing for sure!

I do NOT believe in dieting. I actually believe it is one of the most detrimental things you can do to your body. It is so deceiving. It ruins the metabolism amongst other things. I do not diet and I never have and I never will. Even a "safe" diet is a bad diet. To "Go on a diet" is not good- to have a healthy diet is an entirely different thing. Your diet is what you eat. Not necessarily restricted eating as most people think when they first hear that word, "diet." Going on a diet is the perfect way to actually help you gain more weight than when you first began the diet. Sure, you may lose a lot of weight in the beginning, and there is something to be said for getting unhealthy weight off- but nobody maintains that kind of eating. It takes them months to lose "X" amount of pounds, but nearly the moment the timeline of that diet is completed, the weight jumps right back on.

This is why a healthy diet must be a lifestyle choice. I have been practicing this since college as I began studying nutrition. And all my friends know that I do love to occasionally indulge in my cheese fries, mac and cheese, and hibachi. Everything in moderation. I don't eat these types of food, fast food, or out of the house often at all. When I do- I save it for a fun date night with Eric. And the type of food I do regularly eat on a daily basis is yummy! I am not eating miserable food or small tiny little pitiful amounts of food and suffering like I think most people believe of me. I have a hearty southern girl appetite! I get full fast and enjoy the taste of the foods I prepare. And they are all very healthy! I'll be happy to share recipes any time if there is interest. I love knowing what is in the food I cook.

I maintained this lifestyle of course with pregnancy sans the first trimester where I needed way more carbs than I would normally take on as my morning sickness (aka all day sickness) was severe. Once I began feeling better I went back to the veggies that weren't cutting it the first 14 weeks. It was my goal and desire to not eat anything and everything I wanted just because I was pregnant. I've seen the result of women doing that and it is much harder to get that weight off--it doesn't all just magically go to the baby as the media would have you believe. My goal was to feed Ellie in my tummy the healthiest foods I could per the usual and when I had a big strong craving for hibachi or ice cream--I indulged. Because it was in moderation and very uncommon. Usually a craving could be remedied by just having some fruit or greek yogurt. I knew that pregnancy called for only a few extra calories that basically more or less added up to apple slices with almond butter or an extra serving of veggies. Not an extra meal altogether! I also only ate when hungry as was recommended by my cardiologist. I didn't (nor do I ever) count calories.

You all know I prepared 32 healthy dinners for post partum that should last about 2 months. 1 month down and still half a freezer to conquor! They taste good too, by the way! This has really helped with the ease of not giving in to any eating big unhealthy carby casseroles or having fast food because it is quick and simple. I have had my meals ready every night and it is going great!

I gained 50 pounds.  It has been 4 weeks since I delivered Ellie. In less than a week of delivering Ellie,  I had lost 34 lbs. 75% of that was water. I finally could see my leg muscles, tendons, bend my toes, my neck and arms weren't so swollen. It felt so good to lose all that excess puff of water. I have been walking since day 2 post partum - thanks to Eric's help. It was hard but it helped me recover quickly. Now I am back to a 5k walk daily and I cannot wait for clearance to run again in 2 weeks!

I currently have only 6 lbs left to lose to be back at pre-pregnancy weight. I am focusing a lot on cardio as always but also strength training to help rebuild and tighten up muscles. I feel like all my muscles melted away.

While continuous healthy eating and exercising are what has helped me most, I also believe in the power of a post partum belly band. I have been using the Rose Belba brand and I LOVE it! It targets helping to heal my mild diastasis recti and helps my uterus to also shrink back quickly and brings good circulation to the stomach. I did get a mild 1.5 finger gap in the abs (diastasis recti). Therefore, I am also focusing on slowly training the abs back in tight before I can safely continue my usual exercises that include things like planks and push ups and burpees. This is a journey of continuing good heart health, overall health, a healthy lifestyle, and utilizing my passion for health nutrition. I want to encourage others towards this lifestyle...because it is actually easy...but mainly it makes you feel good and keeps your body healthy and performing at its best. I believe the body is a temple with which we serve God and we are to care for it well! I also want to be an example to Ellie not of vanity, but if strength, endurance, and health. Not dieting or counting calories but of just taking care of her body.

40 weeks preggo to 4 weeks post partum 

Lots of toning back up to do but it is a slow and steady process!

I am thankful for this journey to see what my body can do-especially due to a healthy lifestyle. Never underestimate the power of your fork and plate!

Thanks for letting me share my passion and my journey!

 

The Night We Became Parents To Ellie Clardy Gladden

August 1, 2017. 5:30 a.m. - I woke up. Eric had been up since 3:30 and left for work shortly after so that he could run a chemical reaction at work. Most mornings, Eric is up at 5:30 for work and Ellie has grown accustomed to this schedule and awakens wildly with him....thus also waking mommy. But, this particular morning I felt no such activity from Ellie. 6 a.m. rolled around and up I was to brush teeth, make breakfast and start the busy day as usual. I found it peculiar but not particularly alarming that I had not felt Ellie yet. I carried on with breakfast, a 5k walk, some exercising, a trip to the groceries, and a shower. Usually when I am busy like this I don't feel much activity until I've sat down for a moment. It was in the shower that I noticed again-- I really have not felt Ellie outside of a round little butt to the ribs a couple times. While just the day before her jabs had me gasping for breath! I got out of the shower with the decision I would check in on her with my fetal doppler. I was officially on edge and anxious. Not only does the doppler assure me her heart is still beating like it should be, but Ellie hates the thing and always kicks it violently. I managed to find her heart rate in the healthy 150's but no kicks, no movements....not even a flutter. So, I continued my chores and prayed as I worked for God to make her move so I knew she was ok. I prepared and cooked an entire dinner.

3:30 p.m. rolls around. Eric is home and digging up grass in the backyard preparing  for our patio we will soon be creating. I open the back door-- anxious enough now that I am breaking my comfort zones of anxiety and letting somebody else in on my fears.

"I don't feel her moving and really haven't much all day. I know her heart is beating but I am concerned." my words to Eric.

He suggests I sit and try to focus on her movement, try to stimulate her first. I quickly told him how I had done this many times already today and I closed the door and anxiously paced the kitchen and talked to God. God revealed to me so that I even said it aloud to myself.... I am Ellie's voice and advocate. It would be a stupid risk to not call the doctor. I would rather be an annoying paranoid patient than not speak up and something terrible be happening.  I called the doctor and in the next hour I had been told to head to labor and delivery triage at the hospital to check out why the lack of movement. I grabbed Eric who had showered in the meantime and he packed the car with our bags....just in case.

I said to him and to myself in the car....I am probably just paranoid but I would rather have confirmation that all is well. He agreed and we joked about how this could  be our practice run for Thursday- when my induction was scheduled.

Arrive at triage. I am hooked up and before the millions of typical questions can be completely answered-  one of my OBs was admitting us to the hospital telling us we are having a baby TONIGHT. It was the kind of comment that purposely came out of her mouth in a smiley and nonchalant manner as to catch a good reaction from her audience. And that she got! I froze and rewound her words and she stared at me smiling. I said...um, wait...like she is coming....tonight?! right now?! And with a big nodding yes and smile away i was whipped into a delivery room.

I was bawling my eyes out with joyful emotions! It was just not at all what i had expected to hear. I thought I would be home in the next 30 minutes.

20 minutes after being in the delivery room and meeting many new faces....It was explained to us that the reason we have been admitted was because of the lack of activity from Ellie.

The doctor told me my mother's intuition was spot on...Ellie was not moving and she was not a happy girl. She wants out now. She continued to explain that I had 2 options. And I knew then what was before us and I tensed up and squeezed Eric as he rubbed my hair. The two options were to continue with an induction and see how it goes knowing that it is very unlikely it will progress nor does it seem safe as Ellie would be in distress if we waited too long and then had to turn to what would be the second option---a C-Section. When I heard C-Section.....I began to cry very hard because I KNEW it was the right option. How does somebody who has had 3 open heart surgeries find a C-Section daunting? It is a big procedure that I have had the blessing of helping perform when I was still doing clinical rotations. Anybody who says a C-Section is the easy way out is an idiot. Sorry, not sorry.

A C -Section scared me because of my cardiac risks- which at this point were way below the risks for Ellie if we didn't go this route. A C- Section scared me because I do know what they do and I do know what it looks like and is happening and the risks. It was surgery. I have not had major surgery in 22 years. I was scared, but I was more scared of not doing it of what could happen to Ellie. So I cried and I said yes. Let's do this right now. Eric gave me courage and love and motivation. Ellie empowered me with my love for her and the desire to start being a good mommy from the very behinning by doing what is best for her. I remembered God was in control and He had nudged me to get here to the hospital to check on my daughter and now this was God saying this is His plan. And I knew it and I saw Him in all of it. And I tearfully obeyed and turned it over once again to Him. I gave Him my heart physically and Ellie's life. And away we were whisked once again to L&D OR.

I felt the most out of control of my body I have ever felt. I felt hot and sweaty, numb and tingly, without breath though I had 100% O2 stats. I felt high and dizzy. Eric came in looking sexy in some bunny suit scrubs. He stayed near and prepared for pics of Ellie.  Then the moment came. They had reached her and it was time for her to come out into the bright, loud, crazy world! I looked above me and saw Eric's smile, dimples, and happy creases around his eyes. I heard his joy and emotion in his voice...then.....I heard my baby girl....my daughter...crying! And I burst into possibly  the happiest, ugliest, hardest tears I have ever cried! I had not even seen her face. But I heard her voice and it belonged to us!! When I saw her face I cried even harder!! She came out healthy and happy and pink.

I was soon told that the reason for her inactivity was becsuse the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 4 TIMES! In fact- the ultrasound we had performed in 4d just 24 hours prior did not even pick that up and apparently often does not. This baby who was suspected by all doctors to be 8 lbs. came out at 6 lbs and 14 oz. She had restricted growth at the end due to lesser oxygen. However, God kept her healthy and He called on me and placed in my heart and mind an intuition to act...even if I just looked like a paranoid first time mom.

Now we are resting peacefully with our beautiful and sweet and happy, healthy baby girl. She has started out life as a pro with breastfeeding. She did not wait around for anybody to show her how! She has the best and sweetest attitude.  She is funny already and makes me laugh! I love being her mommy and am so grateful God allowed me to physically be able to carry a baby when I was not supposed to be able to. He helped Ellie and I survive a lot of crazy times this pregnancy. And He has made her our miracle. The fact that her life exists after all we have done for this moment is a miracle.

We are finally a family of 3 with our beautiful baby girl!! Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support! We finally made it! Praise our awesome God!