Ellie: One Month

One month of life for Miss Ellie, One month of being a mommy and daddy! What a joy, honor, privilege, and blessing!

The first two weeks of Ellie's life were a time of figuring out nourishment, working hard to gain weight, and little to no sleep. While Ellie was a natural and excellent breastfeeder with a perfect latch, this little mama was unable to produce enough milk to help Ellie grow. She began to fall behind on the growth chart and was already smaller than expected at birth due to the cord wrapped around her neck 4 times. We made the switch to formula after 2 weeks of giving it all we had and Miss Ellie became the happiest we had yet seen her! While the decision was another tough one, it was the selfless option as pride was pushed aside and Ellie's belly could finally get satisfied. A happy healthy baby is always the best choice.  Ellie beefed up quickly as we started formula during a normal period of growth spurt. She became a milkaholic quickly! We loved being able to finally see her grow and be playful and sleep well.

Ellie smiles in her sleep. She loves tummy time. She loves to sit up straight with help and look around the room. Ellie hates bath time. Ellie loves her jogging stroller and going for long walks with mommy- she takes a good long nap. She at times will be drinking a bottle and stop to look in my eyes, stop sucking and smile. Ellie loves to have stories read to her and turns her head to listen with eyes wide open. The end of a storybook tends to bring her into a good nap. Ellie loves to stretch and kick her arms and legs. She loves front porch sitting-a true Southern Belle.

Born at 6 lbs. 14 oz. and 20.5 inches long, Ellie now is ~ 9 lbs and 21.25 inches long. Her eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair are all growing longer. Hard to say if she is dark blonde or a light brunette....my guess is the latter.

We are so thankful to God for the gift and responsibility of being Ellie's parents. Truly, I say again what a true miracle her life is. We have endured so much to be able to hold this little nugget. I spent years of my life being told I may not have the option of safely having a child--to being told I could handle pregnancy but the window of time given to us was not lining up--to being able to beat that window of time with my good health--to undergoing several pre-pregnancy diagnostics to test my body's strength--to finding out I was pregnant with little Flicker--to then having my body threaten to abort her twice--overcoming that only to have a very intense car wreck that could have been fatal for both Ellie and I if God had not intervened--to overcoming Ellie's potential high risks for congenital heart defects--to remaining heart healthy myself//handling pregnancy better than medically anticipated--to a near emergent C-Section delivery as Ellie was losing oxygen and not able to move due to the cord wrapped around her neck four times--to daily snuggling and looking into her big bright eyes! What a journey. Many years involved. Praise God.

Thank you to all who have been so kind and respectful of mine and Eric's wishes and rules as we care for our baby to keep her healthy, help her grow, following her and my doctors orders for a healthy start, my recovery and as Eric and I both adjust and learn about the joy and challenge of being parents. They may seem silly to some, (friends and I have even joked about them together) but they serve a great purpose for the well being of our daughter, and again, we are thankful for the respect and love we have been shown from our friends. It won't be too much longer until we invite our friends over to meet the newest Gladden!

And now some photos of her first month of life!!: In the first picture you can see the cord wrapped around her neck, poor baby!

Bouncing Back After Baby

"I am only going to gain 25 lbs when I get pregnant." .....said I a year ago as if I had much of a choice in the matter. The only choice I could make to this matter was to maintain eating healthfully and keep up my exercises.
 I gained 50 lbs. And I gained that while maintaining my very healthy lifestyle. Granted...I had a ton of extra fluid than the normal pregnant woman thanks to my messed up circulatory system- but, I had no further control other than the food I ate and the activity level I maintained over the weight I gained. I gained what my body needed to healthfully grow little Ellie.

But, I still want to care for my body to maintain excellent health especially of my heart. I want to know and be confident in doing all I can to spark attraction and interest from my husband ( though he would tell you he always finds me beautiful.) Though scripture tells us beauty is fleeting, I do think it is important and respectful of your spouse to want to look good for them! It means I care about his attention even if he does give me the same loving attention when I have unwashed messy hair, no makeup on, glasses, wearing his workout clothes, and my retainer in! Haha!! I want to have confidence in my own self and I see nothing wrong with that so long as it does not consume me or become an idol. Healthy body- healthy lifestyle- these are my consistent goals even before I was ever pregnant and didn't have a new "mom bod" to work on. And for the record let me state...yes...I am thankful and blessed to have had the chance to obtain a mom bod. A blessing for sure!

I do NOT believe in dieting. I actually believe it is one of the most detrimental things you can do to your body. It is so deceiving. It ruins the metabolism amongst other things. I do not diet and I never have and I never will. Even a "safe" diet is a bad diet. To "Go on a diet" is not good- to have a healthy diet is an entirely different thing. Your diet is what you eat. Not necessarily restricted eating as most people think when they first hear that word, "diet." Going on a diet is the perfect way to actually help you gain more weight than when you first began the diet. Sure, you may lose a lot of weight in the beginning, and there is something to be said for getting unhealthy weight off- but nobody maintains that kind of eating. It takes them months to lose "X" amount of pounds, but nearly the moment the timeline of that diet is completed, the weight jumps right back on.

This is why a healthy diet must be a lifestyle choice. I have been practicing this since college as I began studying nutrition. And all my friends know that I do love to occasionally indulge in my cheese fries, mac and cheese, and hibachi. Everything in moderation. I don't eat these types of food, fast food, or out of the house often at all. When I do- I save it for a fun date night with Eric. And the type of food I do regularly eat on a daily basis is yummy! I am not eating miserable food or small tiny little pitiful amounts of food and suffering like I think most people believe of me. I have a hearty southern girl appetite! I get full fast and enjoy the taste of the foods I prepare. And they are all very healthy! I'll be happy to share recipes any time if there is interest. I love knowing what is in the food I cook.

I maintained this lifestyle of course with pregnancy sans the first trimester where I needed way more carbs than I would normally take on as my morning sickness (aka all day sickness) was severe. Once I began feeling better I went back to the veggies that weren't cutting it the first 14 weeks. It was my goal and desire to not eat anything and everything I wanted just because I was pregnant. I've seen the result of women doing that and it is much harder to get that weight off--it doesn't all just magically go to the baby as the media would have you believe. My goal was to feed Ellie in my tummy the healthiest foods I could per the usual and when I had a big strong craving for hibachi or ice cream--I indulged. Because it was in moderation and very uncommon. Usually a craving could be remedied by just having some fruit or greek yogurt. I knew that pregnancy called for only a few extra calories that basically more or less added up to apple slices with almond butter or an extra serving of veggies. Not an extra meal altogether! I also only ate when hungry as was recommended by my cardiologist. I didn't (nor do I ever) count calories.

You all know I prepared 32 healthy dinners for post partum that should last about 2 months. 1 month down and still half a freezer to conquor! They taste good too, by the way! This has really helped with the ease of not giving in to any eating big unhealthy carby casseroles or having fast food because it is quick and simple. I have had my meals ready every night and it is going great!

I gained 50 pounds.  It has been 4 weeks since I delivered Ellie. In less than a week of delivering Ellie,  I had lost 34 lbs. 75% of that was water. I finally could see my leg muscles, tendons, bend my toes, my neck and arms weren't so swollen. It felt so good to lose all that excess puff of water. I have been walking since day 2 post partum - thanks to Eric's help. It was hard but it helped me recover quickly. Now I am back to a 5k walk daily and I cannot wait for clearance to run again in 2 weeks!

I currently have only 6 lbs left to lose to be back at pre-pregnancy weight. I am focusing a lot on cardio as always but also strength training to help rebuild and tighten up muscles. I feel like all my muscles melted away.

While continuous healthy eating and exercising are what has helped me most, I also believe in the power of a post partum belly band. I have been using the Rose Belba brand and I LOVE it! It targets helping to heal my mild diastasis recti and helps my uterus to also shrink back quickly and brings good circulation to the stomach. I did get a mild 1.5 finger gap in the abs (diastasis recti). Therefore, I am also focusing on slowly training the abs back in tight before I can safely continue my usual exercises that include things like planks and push ups and burpees. This is a journey of continuing good heart health, overall health, a healthy lifestyle, and utilizing my passion for health nutrition. I want to encourage others towards this lifestyle...because it is actually easy...but mainly it makes you feel good and keeps your body healthy and performing at its best. I believe the body is a temple with which we serve God and we are to care for it well! I also want to be an example to Ellie not of vanity, but if strength, endurance, and health. Not dieting or counting calories but of just taking care of her body.

40 weeks preggo to 4 weeks post partum 

Lots of toning back up to do but it is a slow and steady process!

I am thankful for this journey to see what my body can do-especially due to a healthy lifestyle. Never underestimate the power of your fork and plate!

Thanks for letting me share my passion and my journey!

 

The Night We Became Parents To Ellie Clardy Gladden

August 1, 2017. 5:30 a.m. - I woke up. Eric had been up since 3:30 and left for work shortly after so that he could run a chemical reaction at work. Most mornings, Eric is up at 5:30 for work and Ellie has grown accustomed to this schedule and awakens wildly with him....thus also waking mommy. But, this particular morning I felt no such activity from Ellie. 6 a.m. rolled around and up I was to brush teeth, make breakfast and start the busy day as usual. I found it peculiar but not particularly alarming that I had not felt Ellie yet. I carried on with breakfast, a 5k walk, some exercising, a trip to the groceries, and a shower. Usually when I am busy like this I don't feel much activity until I've sat down for a moment. It was in the shower that I noticed again-- I really have not felt Ellie outside of a round little butt to the ribs a couple times. While just the day before her jabs had me gasping for breath! I got out of the shower with the decision I would check in on her with my fetal doppler. I was officially on edge and anxious. Not only does the doppler assure me her heart is still beating like it should be, but Ellie hates the thing and always kicks it violently. I managed to find her heart rate in the healthy 150's but no kicks, no movements....not even a flutter. So, I continued my chores and prayed as I worked for God to make her move so I knew she was ok. I prepared and cooked an entire dinner.

3:30 p.m. rolls around. Eric is home and digging up grass in the backyard preparing  for our patio we will soon be creating. I open the back door-- anxious enough now that I am breaking my comfort zones of anxiety and letting somebody else in on my fears.

"I don't feel her moving and really haven't much all day. I know her heart is beating but I am concerned." my words to Eric.

He suggests I sit and try to focus on her movement, try to stimulate her first. I quickly told him how I had done this many times already today and I closed the door and anxiously paced the kitchen and talked to God. God revealed to me so that I even said it aloud to myself.... I am Ellie's voice and advocate. It would be a stupid risk to not call the doctor. I would rather be an annoying paranoid patient than not speak up and something terrible be happening.  I called the doctor and in the next hour I had been told to head to labor and delivery triage at the hospital to check out why the lack of movement. I grabbed Eric who had showered in the meantime and he packed the car with our bags....just in case.

I said to him and to myself in the car....I am probably just paranoid but I would rather have confirmation that all is well. He agreed and we joked about how this could  be our practice run for Thursday- when my induction was scheduled.

Arrive at triage. I am hooked up and before the millions of typical questions can be completely answered-  one of my OBs was admitting us to the hospital telling us we are having a baby TONIGHT. It was the kind of comment that purposely came out of her mouth in a smiley and nonchalant manner as to catch a good reaction from her audience. And that she got! I froze and rewound her words and she stared at me smiling. I said...um, wait...like she is coming....tonight?! right now?! And with a big nodding yes and smile away i was whipped into a delivery room.

I was bawling my eyes out with joyful emotions! It was just not at all what i had expected to hear. I thought I would be home in the next 30 minutes.

20 minutes after being in the delivery room and meeting many new faces....It was explained to us that the reason we have been admitted was because of the lack of activity from Ellie.

The doctor told me my mother's intuition was spot on...Ellie was not moving and she was not a happy girl. She wants out now. She continued to explain that I had 2 options. And I knew then what was before us and I tensed up and squeezed Eric as he rubbed my hair. The two options were to continue with an induction and see how it goes knowing that it is very unlikely it will progress nor does it seem safe as Ellie would be in distress if we waited too long and then had to turn to what would be the second option---a C-Section. When I heard C-Section.....I began to cry very hard because I KNEW it was the right option. How does somebody who has had 3 open heart surgeries find a C-Section daunting? It is a big procedure that I have had the blessing of helping perform when I was still doing clinical rotations. Anybody who says a C-Section is the easy way out is an idiot. Sorry, not sorry.

A C -Section scared me because of my cardiac risks- which at this point were way below the risks for Ellie if we didn't go this route. A C- Section scared me because I do know what they do and I do know what it looks like and is happening and the risks. It was surgery. I have not had major surgery in 22 years. I was scared, but I was more scared of not doing it of what could happen to Ellie. So I cried and I said yes. Let's do this right now. Eric gave me courage and love and motivation. Ellie empowered me with my love for her and the desire to start being a good mommy from the very behinning by doing what is best for her. I remembered God was in control and He had nudged me to get here to the hospital to check on my daughter and now this was God saying this is His plan. And I knew it and I saw Him in all of it. And I tearfully obeyed and turned it over once again to Him. I gave Him my heart physically and Ellie's life. And away we were whisked once again to L&D OR.

I felt the most out of control of my body I have ever felt. I felt hot and sweaty, numb and tingly, without breath though I had 100% O2 stats. I felt high and dizzy. Eric came in looking sexy in some bunny suit scrubs. He stayed near and prepared for pics of Ellie.  Then the moment came. They had reached her and it was time for her to come out into the bright, loud, crazy world! I looked above me and saw Eric's smile, dimples, and happy creases around his eyes. I heard his joy and emotion in his voice...then.....I heard my baby girl....my daughter...crying! And I burst into possibly  the happiest, ugliest, hardest tears I have ever cried! I had not even seen her face. But I heard her voice and it belonged to us!! When I saw her face I cried even harder!! She came out healthy and happy and pink.

I was soon told that the reason for her inactivity was becsuse the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 4 TIMES! In fact- the ultrasound we had performed in 4d just 24 hours prior did not even pick that up and apparently often does not. This baby who was suspected by all doctors to be 8 lbs. came out at 6 lbs and 14 oz. She had restricted growth at the end due to lesser oxygen. However, God kept her healthy and He called on me and placed in my heart and mind an intuition to act...even if I just looked like a paranoid first time mom.

Now we are resting peacefully with our beautiful and sweet and happy, healthy baby girl. She has started out life as a pro with breastfeeding. She did not wait around for anybody to show her how! She has the best and sweetest attitude.  She is funny already and makes me laugh! I love being her mommy and am so grateful God allowed me to physically be able to carry a baby when I was not supposed to be able to. He helped Ellie and I survive a lot of crazy times this pregnancy. And He has made her our miracle. The fact that her life exists after all we have done for this moment is a miracle.

We are finally a family of 3 with our beautiful baby girl!! Thank you all for your prayers, love, and support! We finally made it! Praise our awesome God!

Because You Prayed

My darling followers, friends, and family- even strangers I have never met who have reached out to me---because you prayed I wanted to write one blog to share with you what that resulted in.

First of all- thank you. Huge thank you. I have never doubted the power of prayer- even when prayers seem to go unanswered or are answered differently than we may have originally desired. The result of leaning on God and trusting solely in Him always brings good results- even if immediately they do not feel good.

The answer God delivered me today was one that left me feeling so good  that again I cried and was shaking all over but this time out of joy and relief!

Eric's little clone!! <3

When last I left you 5 days ago- Ellie was in no position that the doctors could/would even consider an induction. A C-section was a likely possible option to happen if Ellie did not drop soon. A C-Section is NOT the desired option cardiology speaking but of course was necessary if safer for Ellie and Ellie's only option. We desired for Ellie to drop into the canal so that she may at least have an induction as an option if she decided to not come by her due date which at that time was in 4 days.

After that appointment- after I clung to God and got my heart and attitude focused better on Him- I went out and bought a birthing ball. I continued my daily 5k walks, running, dancing, exercising, and bouncing and rolling on a birthing ball for like literally 4 hours every day. But more than these physical efforts, I focused on my spiritual efforts. I talked aloud and alone in the kitchen, the shower, the hallway to God sorting things out with Him and praising Him for even the less than pleasant news. I prayed big prayers full of faith and I thanked Him for how He has already blessed this pregnancy from the day we were given clearance medically for me to get pregnant. Sometimes God just wants nothing more than to have more connection time with His children and remind them of their focus priorities and to show them His love. God and I grew together a lot over the past 5 days and for that I am thankful.

Today came. I could hardly wait on the clock for my appointment even though I had already tried talking myself into a calm state of no expectations but to only be prepared to praise God for the worst news. **Just to be clear- I have nothing against a medically necessary C-Section- I will do whatever I need to do to care for Ellie and myself--it is the fear of my heart's health that is concerning with a C-section.** I finally saw the doctor and to be discreet- this visit was physically more challenging than the last two checks as the doctor really needed to be certain of the decision that was about to be made. The decision my heart was beginning to race over. Apparently I should have been in a lot of pain today but when I didn't express any signs of pain and just kept deep breathing- the doctor was very pleased stating I had a very high pain tolerance. I was shocked and so was he! I have always thought I was kind of a wimp!! Ha! Maybe being a surviving warrior of 3 open heart surgeries instills some crazy strength in you? But because of that and my stunning health God has allowed me through this 9 month journey-- the doctor was able to lean closer to a decision ( though he still wouldn't tell me which way!) He said that Ellie had over the past 5 days dropped- not a ton- but enough. And that other things were progressing as well. So the last step before calling a decision would be to do a measurement ultrasound of fetal weight and head size. I was so happy to hear this! I have not had an ultrasound since 29 weeks and have missed seeing my Flicker flickering on the screen! They provided me an estimated weight though I won't share as I have friends currently taking a bet on it! After the ultrasound I spoke with the doctor once more and the decision was revealed.

We are being inducted THIS Thursday evening!! And again it was all I could do to maintain composure and hold back the tears so that I could keep listening and focus on instructions!! She will be an August baby, but we do not have to wait another week or week and a half!! We get to meet her THIS week!! All because God is good and He does care and He does answer prayers. Y'all----she dropped! She went from being nowhere near being able to consider an induction to being scheduled for one this week!! Now I know inductions can still lead to C-Sections. But I am in awe...and I don't know why because I have experienced since the first day of my life the power of God- but I am in awe of how God answered y'all's and mine and Eric's prayers for this delivery! We get to finally really meet this stubborn little girl who has fought to hold on for life since her 3rd week when I found out she was in my tummy. Who battled 2 near miscarriages and kept hanging on. Who did not inherit any of mommy's heart defects though her risks were quite high. Who survived my car accident when she was 6 weeks in my tummy. God has allowed scary and challenging times of growth through this pregnancy and overflowed my faith with blessings and total trust. This...THIS right here is WHY no MATTER what God is allowing you to go through- you keep praising Him. You just never know what He is doing, teaching, or blessing. You CANNOT turn away from Him or shut Him out. You do not have to like it but you have to praise and trust Him! I cannot wait to raise Ellie teaching her about what a miracle her life is and how thankful and humble she should be before God for all that He has planned for her life. And He obviously has a plan!

So- again we humbly ask for our prayer warriors to pray a little bit longer for us. Here are my requests, please- again for those who really mean it-

-Safe, uncomplicated delivery for Ellie
-When Ellie undergoes extra cardio testing that her heart be truly without defect as has been the prior result during high risk scans.
-Healthy Ellie, Healthy, quick recovery for Mommy
-Excellent cardio check up in hospital for Mommy as well
-Eric's poor blessed precious nerves and emotions as his favorite girls are being cared for
-Strength

I cannot thank y'all enough for the prayers, messages, texts, and love. This is why we have brothers and sisters in Christ! We love y'all! We are so humbled and grateful!! Here's to that induction!!! WOOOO!

An Ellie Update

Many people have been in-boxing me privately or texting anxiously wanting updates on Ellie as she is due in 4 days. So, I have decided to share a public update after having visited the doctor today as I could use some prayers, please.

Before anybody freaks out- everything is going very healthfully for both Ellie and I. We are both very strong, active, and happy girls. Unfortunately, there is an ironic down side to this little mama being so strong and healthy and that is the strength is hindering my progression of labor. I was mentally and even emotionally prepared today to visit the doctor and have 0 dilation, effacement or any progression at all- despite these darned contractions that I have had for the past 3 weeks. I prepared myself to go back next week- past due and schedule the induction. What I was not ever expectant to hear was "C- Section." Again- before y'all freak out- don't worry! I was told that Ellie has still not dropped or engaged into the pelvic floor at all. And unless she does by 41 weeks, I cannot be induced. An induction would be rather worthless if  Ellie is not engaged. Therefore; if she does not drop by the next week and a half- I should prepare my heart and mind for a C-Section at around 42 weeks.

When I heard this I was actually stunned. I was so strong hearing all the other news but that statement crumbled me inside immediately and I had to work so hard to maintain composure and a smile and a focused mind. A million things were rushing through my head though. Most of you know if you have followed me any bit at all for the past 4 years that my cardiologist had told me that a C- Section would be the least desired option and a last resort when we have no other option. C-Sections are very risky for cardiac patients because we are a different breed y'all. What is a major blessing again in full irony, is that I AM so strong and so healthy and have cared for my body so well by remaining a very active girl and eating healthfully and not slowing down at all and because of this- the concern medically of this heart patient having a C-Section is not as daunting and dangerous as it would be for a cardiac patient who has a lot more going on. Essentially- I have lessened my C-Section risks by staying active and healthy. I am so thankful God has made, kept, and allowed me to be so strong. But, it was an overwhelming shock as you may imagine to hear that medical option when it has been drilled in you that it is not the desired course of action and that my risks are higher with C-Section than a normal mother in labor.

It is also hard knowing that it may still be 2 more whole weeks until I finally meet my little Flicker.

Eric surprised me by showing up for my visit today. I am so glad God placed that on his heart and allowed his schedule to free him to come. I needed my husband. If he had not been sitting in the room with me and the doctor when I heard this, I am not sure I would have held it together. Eric keeps me encouraged. He is my strongest piece. God knows that and took care of me today by sending me my husband darling!

After Eric got me in my car and he left to go back to work, I did have my little breakdown and I cried it out and searched for God in this. I had teased Eric just moments earlier about how God and I have this funny relationship where He ALWAYS makes me wait for everything in the world and never let's me have things in my time....like ever. And I always tell God aloud how He is driving me crazy and He knows it. And I picture Him just laughing at me like, "Oh, my silly girl!" I always trust Him but that doesn't mean I like it. And I let Him know that! May as well be honest- He already knows what I'm thinking! Ha! And sure enough, shortly there after I got my discouraging and disheartening news. In my car, I searched for God before allowing self pity to set in. I texted all who are closest to me and informed them and asked for prayers. God has blessed me with amazing friends and family. The blessings and trace of God I uncovered were that it is a MAJOR blessing that I am not only pregnant (miracle) but that I am also sooooo healthy that it is what is keeping my Ellie happy and strong in my tummy. I uncovered that God may be showing me and the world that I, who am not "supposed to" or "should not" have a C- section, may just have one to prove how limitless God is with giving me (who is not supposed to be alive or have any strength or quality of life let alone a baby) the strength and good health to endure a C-Section. I uncovered that God is truly GOD...like you know...the Creator of all the universe and mine and Ellie's bodies?!?! and these are His bodies that He can do with what He wants to serve His purposes since I have pleaded with God to live inside my heart spiritually and physically!

Nobody ever said I had to like what God does. And let me be honest if it helps...I DON'T like it, today. But that does not for one second mean at all that I do not trust my God, or that I do not tremendously thank Him for His will and knowledge and things that I can't see but He has seen and planned. It does not mean that I do not love God or respect His plan...because I DO!! And it is ok for me to tell Him I don't like it, but I trust Him! Better to tell Him my feelings He already knows I have than to get mad at Him and turn away.

So now- I ask for prayer. And I do not want people to tell me they are praying unless they truly are doing so. I do not take prayer lightly. But if you are a faithful friend and follower who is willing to truly pray, please do pray these things:

- Ellie and I remain healthy and safe
-GOD's WILL is done...(and it will be...)
-If it is God's will- pray that Ellie will drop quickly over the next week.
-If it is God's will- pray that my contractions come faster and stronger if only to assist in pushing Ellie into the pelvic floor.
-Pray for NO C-Section- IF that is God's will.
-If a C-Section is imminent- then please pray for Ellie's safety and the safety of my heart risks with blood loss and fluid overload and stress to the heart and that I will recover quickly and strongly.
-Pray for my sweet Eric who is always so strong and encouraging and selfless for his girls. Pray for him in case he is hiding any nerves because he is just the most amazing man I have ever met and just so insanely strong in every way. He puts his emotions aside to focus on helping and encouraging and helping keep me calm. But he needs care and prayers just as much as I!

Thank y'all for loving us and encouraging us. I will rejoice and delight in whatever God says is best because I love and trust Him. I will just keep walking and runnning and dancing daily while we wait! Thank y'all!

When God Confuses You

Anybody else been thrown for a loop by God before? I think the closer you follow Him and trust Him sometimes the more twists and turns and maybe even a pothole or two your road ahead seems to have. Or maybe it is just me. But I believe this is true because it demands that we keep our focus and attention on what is currently in front of us and that we cling to Him for our safety and the unknown turns around the way. I respect that God works in this weird way. This does not mean I always like it or enjoy it. It is certainly not a Sunday drive through the country side on a sunny fall foliage filled tree day, either!

Most everything in my life that God has allowed me to accomplish or be granted or blessed with has been given to me by God after enduring something, someone, or some place for some amount of time with some level of difficulty. It has rewarded me by strengthening my heart, integrity, character, and most importantly my faith in Christ. I most definitely believe God gives us more than we can handle because we need to handle it with Him- if we could handle life's biggest problems on our own then why would we need God? <---This would be our mentality. It keeps us humble and faithful to sweat things a little while sitting in the palm of God.

I know as a child of God I am serving Him best when I am challenged most because my strength as well as faith have grown in Him allowing my human character to better display the character of Christ as I handle what may seem to be the most impossible and frustrating and maybe even depressing of events. Why would God allow challenges to a weak child of God who is not going to trust Him or let him shine in the ugliest and darkest of times? Everybody has hard times. But hard times are easier to endure when you can repetitively if needed remind yourself that God is your strong tower and He is on your team. Even if you feel abandoned. Know He is standing by waiting for you to shine in His name.

These thoughts were laid on my heart tonight as I sifted through some things I've been praying about with Eric for a long time. There are times I feel strong waiting for God to answer or give peace and there are times I start to feel myself get super selfish, pouty, and unconcerned with what God may be doing- how He has already insanely blessed me- how He may be blessing me in silence or with a time of patience. Why can't He just tell me the answer flat out right now? Yes or no? Stay or Go? When, How, Where...etc. BECAUSE!! I wouldn't grow nor would I trust Him as deeply, nor would I apprecate the answer, truth, and blessing that WILL eventually come. But again- be reminded of how blessed you and I already are. I'm so blessed I feel I don't even have a right to have a desire for more- but I do- and God knows this. I do pray God would take away any desires that were not of His will. Sometimes He does and sometimes I have to keep on waiting in silence and confusion and dodging stupid satan's distractions.

To end my blurb of thoughts God is stirring in my head- I must say- no matter what the situation- minimal or something ginormous- I am comforted and calmed and joyed in knowing that God is smiling in my presence following His promises, always. God CANNOT be unfaithful- it is actually impossible because He is truly perfect. So- when you think He abandoned you or ignored you or laughed at your desire- STOP! He didn't. Keep having faith in Him and I promise- no matter how long it takes- you will see God and you will be overwhelmed and it will be more than you ever imagined or asked for.

I can look at 100% every aspect of my life and see God and His faithfulness and how happy I am that I waited on Him and not me. And I can also see the times I wish I would have waited on Him instead of leaning upon my own "understanding."

I hope this is helpful to any dear person in the silence or in waiting. Call out to Him. Jesus' name is so powerful to just call aloud to Him. I'm serious. And always tell Him thank You, daily for the blessings, but also for even the hard time or silent time He is having you endure. It is confusing- but He is blessing you- not that we even deserve it! Give thanks in all things! :)

Cloth Diapering

My sister used cloth diapers with her babies. I remember thinking she was CRAZY! I even vowed to never change the diapers unless they were disposable. But with time, maturity, and exposure, I realized these things were not that bad. In fact- they are awesome and smart!

Being that I am a stay at home mommy- cloth diapers are a wise choice for my family in saving money. They are no less convenient for us than disposables. My role as a wife and mother is caring for my family and home- including financially. Obeying a budget as well as helping to provide smart and efficient ways to save money so that we can put it towards better things vs throwing it away here and there. It simply required a little education and an open mind. Plus- this is super awesome for the environment. Always a good bonus. But, it is something each family will have to look into and decide for themselves what they find most beneficial in daily living. Again, for the Gladden 3, it made perfect sense.

My sister donated 44 cute little cloth diaper shells with cloth inserts to Ellie. Here, in this blog, is what she taught me and showed me and I researched in order to make this decision easy, beneficial, and efficient.

How to care for the diapers / What you Need:  ***NOTE: The diaper care given below is for specifically "pocket diapers."

When changing the diaper, any poop should be first sprayed with a hose attachment into the toilet. Then the diaper insert needs to be be detached from the shell- then both parts placed into the special diaper pail.

Above is the Water sprayer to attach to toilet, and the spray board to which you attach the soiled diaper. The board holds the diaper in the clip, easily fits within the toilet seat, then is sprayed and relieved of any heavy soil. Then simply flush toilet. Bought from Amazon.

(Above: Cloth Diaper pail and reusable bag to hold the soiled diapers between washings. Best to purchase 2 of these pail liners so that one may be a replacement while one is being washed. Again- we found on Amazon.)

 If in public- shake off into the toilet and then place in your wet bag to transfer home. There are cloth diaper special "wet bags" made to contain odor and soil discreetly in public until they can be transfered to the pail at home or the wash. These just go into the diaper bag.

Here is the kind we bought from Amazon:

Diapers should be washed every 2-3 days. With a newborn, I suggest not exceeding 2 days between washes.

In the diaper pail, there is a slot in the lid for a charcoal filter. This filter is used to absorb odors between washings. It is disposable and lasts approximately 4-5 months. Just use good sense......of smell! ;)

Time for the washer! So we have separated the insert from the shell and sprayed off poop into toilet. (Side note: Breastfeeding mamas may not always have need of a pre-spray as poop consistency is different from formula fed babies.)

Now, take your diaper pail bag full of soiled diapers and wet bag from the diaper bag to the washing machine and dump inside.  No more than 24 diapers at a time. You do not want to overload the washer as to be sure the soap gets to each piece thoroughly. I tend to average a dozen per load. The amount of diapers used and washed will change as baby grows and has less wet/dirty diapers. The laundry loads will be a little heavier in the beginning. But, it easily becomes routine.

First-  Do a soak cycle with NO detergent.
Second-  A HOT wash cycle with detergent with extra rinse.
Third-  A final rinse cycle.

The purpose of the seemingly excessive rinsing is very important as it fully rids diapers of lingering detergent. This can be very irritating to baby if not thoroughly rinsed away.

Then simply dry diapers in dryer at a lower heat and speed. A gentle dry. Once dry, reassemble the insert inside the shell and put away.

As for the detergent you use- you want to be sure it is safe and gentle for baby but also free of fabric softeners found in baby clothing detergent such as Dreft as the softeners over time break down the absorbency of the cloth diaper. I make my family's own detergent that is safe for babies and softener free- but I do use Tide original powder detergent on the diapers as was highly recommended for cleanliness of the soiled cloth and safe for baby.

Another step we have taken in order to cut costs and save money as well as care for the environment is to not use disposable wipes but instead use cloth wipes. The cloth wipes were given to me by my sister as well but are basically like little baby wash cloths. I wash these with the diapers. For a clean, wet, wash on baby's bottom we use Kissaluvs, "Diaper Lotion Potion Spray." It uses tea tree oil and lavender essential oils. It can be sprayed either on cloth wipe or sprayed directly on baby's bottom.
Once again- we purchased from Amazon.

Diaper Stripping: Every 3 or 4 months, the cloth diapers need to be "stripped." This is to ensure diapers remain absorbent, stink free, and are rid of any ammonia build up. To do this, do your normal wash routine, and add up to half a cup of bleach to the wash routine. When rinsing do 2 rinse cycles,  and make sure all suds are gone. If you still see suds, do another rinse cycle.

There are natural alternatives to diaper stripping, you can research without the use of bleach. Know that the bleach does not have affect on baby's bottom if rinsed properly.

Financial Benefit:

I found this chart of averages of money spent per child/ per diaper/ per brand/ over a 3 year period at an avg. of  8 diaper changes a day. This does not include the cost of wipes.

We are VERY fortunate that my sister supplied us with diapers and cloths. So our cost is/ will total much less than $800 over a 2 year period as I plan to potty train using the "naked technique" at age 2 with Ellie. But for those who do have to buy all of their diapers and supplies and for whatever reason continue diapering for 3 years- the price comparison is still quite a difference. Again though, the cloth diapering has to be feasible for your family and lifestyle for the best benefit---though, I will say, one of my closest friends is a working mama and her and her husband manage to easily and successfully use cloth diapers, too. It can be done with the right willing day-care and ambition.

This chart shows another comparison of averages but it also shows that there is a resale value to cloth diapering. So the money you put into it you may also redeem a percentage back into your wallet. Really makes you think about what you could put that saved money towards in the future.