That Time I Didn't Want Children

Anybody who was close to me in my life around the time I was 19-22 years old can recall a period of life when I hands down never wanted children. But most of you probably don't know that side of me ever existed.

I had been conditioned by my pediatric cardiologist that I likely could never have them because of my heart, for 22 years. My current adult cardiologist changed that for me, as you know, but we will get to that later.

Because of this pre-conceived notion of pregnancy being an unwise decision, I decided I would be the world's best Aunt- aka- "Emmay" to my (at the time) only niece and nephew. I decided that I would look into a positive side of it and what a life with no children would mean. And to be very raw and honest- to the surface of my mind...not knowing how much deeper my mind could connect with my heart strings....I was really ok. So "ok," in fact, that I actually didn't even care (so I thought- again- very surface level thinking at this time for me.) I didn't want children. I would remain childless so that I could be as selfish as I wanted to be. I could travel wherever and whenever I wanted. I could stay out as late as I wanted. I could drop everything and pop off to any spontaneous event or trip. I would have all the money I wanted for the most wonderful dresses and shoes. I wouldn't get stretch marks. Sleep would always be abundant. I could have the experience of motherhood by being an aunt and yet not have the big responsibilities of motherhood. I could be and do exactly whatever I wanted if I never took on the title of "Mommy." I knew that being a mommy meant being selfless. And I was not that person. I knew it then and I know it now. My nephew entering the world was a hard lesson in my selfish nature. He took my sister's full and undivided attention away from me. He took some of my sleep, money, food, and patience. But- it was at 19 years old with little baby Jayden (my first nephew- who made me an aunt) that even though I was not a mom, that this baby was still changing me for the better. He to this day, is one of the greatest gifts God ever gave me. Though I still had no desire for a child of my own. Before Jayden, I would not have ever given anybody a french fry. Sounds silly but this is how selfish I was. Heck, I still don't like sharing my fries or popcorn but I do it because love changed me. And to love and give love is far greater than a measly fry.  But that is just truly how selfish I was. The love of a little boy who wasn't even mine started to defrost my immature selfish self. Though, it took years.

My family could and would tell you that they themselves told me to never have children, that I shouldn't have children. They did not do this in an ugly way or with any mal-intentions -don't interpret this incorrectly. My sister's reasons were from much of what I described above. No person with that nature need to produce children. My parent's had mixed reasons. Mostly, they knew it would be a very large risk based on what my pediatric cardiologist had always prepared them for. They also knew how selfish I was and agreed with me when we would discuss the topic. Children were a bad idea for somebody who just wants to do whatever they want. But they also told me that it was not wrong for me not to desire children.

Let me interject this thought into the blog....it is NOT wrong to not desire children. There is 100% nothing wrong with it. Not everybody wants to be a parent and I commend those who know that fact about themselves. You cannot be a parent and be selfish. You are literally the last on the totem pole as God calls us to die to self. (Except keep your self nourished, of course!) Being selfish however, is never a good thing to be- with or without children- so if that is your heart- I encourage you to change that. In fact, one of my best friends did not want children. She is one of the most loving and nurturing and giving people I know. She didn't want children. Good for her for knowing that about herself! She didn't choose that because she is a selfish person- because she is not...she has natural selfish desires just as we all do, but her character is not that of a selfish nature by any means! Get my point here? Not wrong to not want children. Wrong to be a selfish person no matter what your life status.

I can remember getting so fed up and angry with people at work who would continually say to me..."Oh, you will change your mind!" "How could you not want a baby?!" "You'll eat your words!" "I am going to laugh when you change your mind!" I got so livid angry at these people and their comments. Do NOT tell me about myself. I said I do not want children. Why is that such a crime to people?!

Skip down the road of life a little. 22 years old. Still single. Enter: Eric Gladden. Dreamboat. Answer to my prayers. He and I start dating almost within 2 weeks of becoming friends. We were together inseparably from the night we actually met in person. I went off to the beach with my family and texted him the entire time like a long lost teenager in love. He saw photos of me and the niece and nephew and he would just melt over it. I seemed like the type of girl who was so maternal, who had it in her nature to be a mommy one day. We were texting about some of the deeper personal things one night while I was at the beach. I was in the midst of an intense game of putt-putt with the kids, wrapping up and about to go for ice cream when one way or another I bluntly said, "yeah, that is why I don't want kids." He answered back obviously shocked that I, Emily Clardy, spoiler and lover of all kids especially my niece and nephew would not desire children. I was testing him. I was being honest. Better to let him know and get out now than too late. He said something back to me along the lines of, "Wow, I would never have pictured you not wanting kids. But that is cool." So, I knew he was still interested. I figured this meant he didn't really want kids. What I did not yet know is that he was so deeply desiring of a child. He is 8 years older than I, was going through a divorce and before that had come to be, the ex had made a final decision she didn't want children even though they had previously planned to try and get pregnant the previous summer- he didn't even get a say. His chances of being a daddy were being ripped away, (this is not at all why they divorced, by the way. Eric is the most faithful, loving, and loyal person- even to those who are not). He had just been stripped, it seemed, of all chances to become a daddy and it was the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world. But, he is such a selfless person- he put his desires away and hidden and it was much later I realized his true desires.

                                      
                                                         
                                       

4 months of dating. Telling all who teased us, or brought it up, or talked about it, that we didn't want children. People always reacted like we had just broke out with the plague before their eyes. So annoying. Why do people assume couples want or must have children? What's worse about those reactions are...some couples want children and have had fertility issues and that is nobody's business so they cover it up with a likely story and people show no respect. They start laying their feelings and opinions on thick to that couple. They don't do it from a place of intentional rudeness or even an ugly heart....they are just curious or making conversation....but to me, because I have been in this situation many times, is inappropriate. At this point, besides truly believing in my mind that I didn't want a child, I also, as far as I knew, could not even try to have a baby. People need to be more sensitive and not pry and mind their own dang business. FYI- I feel this way about asking couple's when they are having their "Second", as well. Not your business. You never know what is behind the intimate doors of a marriage and family. Leave them be, If they are close enough to you to confide in you, then great! Otherwise- stop asking people these questions. You may be causing people lots of pain. I actually am already annoyed with people saying to Eric and I ever since Ellie was 1 month old...."when you have your second..." "You HAVE to have at least one more..." No. Actually, we don't. And we have our reasons. So I can understand from many angles that there is pain and irritability in these questions.

But, then, Eric and I went to my new adult cardiologist whom I had never met before. I was very nervous. I had spent 22 years with the same doctor and he was like an uncle to me. She turned out to be the most amazing thing. She is wise in medicine but also in human emotion. She instantly felt like a friend who had my best interest at hand. This was the visit where she told me I would eventually need a pulmonary valve replacement (after having been told I would never need a surgery again by my former doctor just the year before- but this is why it is important to see a doctor who specializes in adults with congenital heart defects- they have a different perspective.) She also corrected the 22 years of being told children would be unlikely for me by saying I most definitely could have a safe pregnancy and would be best to have a baby before the pulmonary valve replacement if it were something Eric and I desired....one day....because we were already ready to be married, but we still were not engaged. So....we weren't planning to have a baby anytime soon....nor did I *think* I wanted any children. But it was a lot of news to take in that day. The two things I had grown up being told both turned out to be wrong. In fact I could (God willing) have a baby, and in fact I will eventually need a pulmonary valve replacement surgery. This changed everything in my mind. I remember I broke down crying in front of this precious new doctor. I couldn't hold it in. I hate crying in front of people-even my husband. I want my emotional reaction to reflect the strength I am trying to surface from within. I asked her to hold my hands and pray with me, and she did.

For the next week or so, it is definitely best to say Eric and I were in a slight state of silent shock as we processed everything. We would watch a movie together but never really see it. I would randomly cry as I sat and processed some new emotions I was having. I never wanted children. But---now, being told I could (God willing) have a baby....my heart had unlocked a door in my mind to a colorful new dream I never even knew existed within me. The trouble was, now, it was safest/best, to my understanding, to have a baby before this surgery was needed. This news all came to us almost 4.5 years ago. Her prediction at the time after having only first met me was that I may possibly need the surgery within 3-5 years from then. I was told I would likely recover quickly and do very well. Anyway, that time frame has almost ended and with additional tests to monitor my heart such as wearing halter monitors when I run, echocardiograms, and a stress test, and continuing to live a healthy lifestyle, I am not sure when the surgery will need to take place. We will just keep doing our best to keep me healthy and keep leaning on God and the wisdom of my cardiologist. But put yourself in our shoes back then....we knew at 4 months of dating we were getting married. It was not even a question anymore. However, we were not technically even engaged yet. In fact, we got engaged about 5 months after this appointment and then remained engaged for 481 days. (Way too long, don't do that.) So- my processed thoughts were this-- even if we ran down to the courthouse tomorrow and said "I do," I didn't *think* I wanted children, and if I did have children, I didn't want them right now! I wanted time to be alone with Eric as a married couple, to travel, to explore...and remember....I didn't even want kids! And now that I knew I could have them and this door was opened, I had started to imagine a life with a baby. Me. A baby. What?! Funny how God works. So why the tears? Well, naturally I was sad to know I needed more surgery as I had never been prepared for that idea. But honestly? More than anything? I was crying the most because now I was brokenhearted to know I could have babies but felt my time was limited. I felt like I would have to have a baby in the next 2 years. What did this mean? Where were these feelings coming from?? Essentially- I did not like feeling like I had the potential for the greatest most special thing and yet not having enough time to pursue it in the safest manner. I had cracked through my surface level superficial selfish ways of thinking. I knew then that I did not entirely totally not want children.Which is one way I know I may have been conditioned to feel that way. Eric's true feelings about becoming a daddy were revealed to me in this time. I could see now as I had never seen before and the truth was, this man wanted to be a daddy more than anything. He is not a very emotional guy...he is with me and romance, but overall he is a guy who keeps a lot in and does not over think anything. But he was crying. He wanted a baby and he now knew I could have one as well but he felt the time pressure too. We weren't even married!! It was not time for that yet but it was something we needed to discuss and plan. I mean what were we to do? Pray. Give it to God and see what happened.

After Eric and I overcame the initial shock of this heavy news-- we eventually started living care free lives again and we decided together that we were not putting a time table on anything. All was in God's hands. We would get married when we wanted and we would put children on the back burner for now...both content to live life without them if we had to. Though...that back burner was always remaining pretty warm....

Then one day....after a friend explained over wine the troubles she and her husband had faced with getting pregnant with their second child and what a blessing and miracle her life is, I felt the door that had been opened in my mind be burst wide open by my heart strings and the doorways flooded with pounding gushing hot warm emotion and desire. It literally just happened. I wanted to have a baby with Eric. I desired a baby. I desired to be a mommy. I desired to give Eric all he ever wanted. I desired to give up "me" and live a life with a real purpose and meaning behind it. A life I had never desired or imagined I could have.

So, the next few days later...I asked Eric if after church that Sunday he and I could have a serious discussion. And we sat and I told him how my feelings had changed, how my heart felt. But, I still didn't want a baby anytime soon. I mean, we still were not engaged even and on top of that, I would like to get married and enjoy marriage a little while first, of course. I could tell his heart was full with this change of my heart, however; he did not get his hopes up yet because we were still not technically ready or there yet. We still had things to overcome. We still had to ask my cardiologist when the time came that we were truly ready to start trying for our baby if this was still a good time and safe thing. This was still 2013.

So we got married on June 20, 2015. We traveled to Antigua and lived the life of luxury for a little over a week for our honeymoon. We went to concerts, to the beach, to Charleston, to Michigan, to Victoria, Canada, to Seattle. We had many wonderful and rare experiences. We had set a time to start a family in Fall of 2017. Until, one night in the early summer of 2016....Eric returned home after having dinner with a buddy of his who has a young son. Eric came home and hugged me and kissed me and tucked me into bed. Then, he began to softly cry and to tell me that he didn't want to wait that long. He was ready now. My eyes got huge in the darkness of our room. I was silent. I processed this information. And then I responded, "ok. The end of summer." And his precious tears dried up, and he kissed me, and he fell asleep. I was now wide awake. Planning. Thinking. Oh. My. Gosh. I was ready but it was also like....whoa....whoa!!!  I mean it is the biggest life change...ever! And I knew it would be. I was excited. This was happening. And I knew I was ready, too. After years of saying "Never."

The remainder of that summer was spent preparing with my doctors to get pregnant. My cardiologist had me perform a stress test to see how my heart was functioning at this time and how it would handle pregnancy. I did very well, praise God. The cardiologist who performed the test told me he could not even predict based on the results when I would need my next surgery. My OB/GYN said all was well on her end-let's do this! Fall 2016- we got pregnant with our first baby- Ellie!

You all know well by now of how Ellie came to be and my pregnancy tales. And my social media accounts obviously show I am obsessed with her. But I wanted to tell the world this message from my own life. I look at our daughter and there are truly no words created by man that are strong enough to describe the love that I possess for this little tiny girl who cannot even speak words to me, yet. I look at her face. Her smile, Her fuzzy head. Her perfect nose. I listen to her coos and squeals of joy. How!? How in the WORLD did I ever for one moment not desire to have this...to know this kind of immense love?! How on earth did I ever think life was better owning designer dresses and shoes than creating this precious life? How did I ever think that any traveling adventure was a better adventure than this little girl?! Did I actually truly once believe my life would be cut off, over and done with if I ever became a mommy?!  And I have to say, as I often think about it, if I love her this much...how much more does God my Savior love me?! Wow. But, my mind is blown that there was once a season of life when I would not even entertain the idea of children. A time in my life when I once thought that the people who had children were obviously miserable as their lives were obviously over. I cannot believe I used to think this. I am so thankful God always had a purpose for us to have Ellie- that He has a purpose for her life in this world for His glory and that purpose has begun since the day she was conceived. I am so thankful God opened my heart and my mind and my eyes to the greatest blessing and gift and thing I have ever had in my life. It is almost comical to me now to think that I actually thought worldly possessions were better than creating a life with the man I love and being able to teach this little person about love and life. On this earth, in this life God has blessed me with, there is nothing I love or cherish more than the love of my husband and daughter. "Hard days" are nothing. Truly...nothing. She is so much greater than any of the rifts of parenthood. What was I thinking before her?!


Still, I say, there is nothing wrong about couples not wanting children. But, I am thankful God changed my heart according to His plan.

2017 Memoir

We entered the new year with Ellie in my tummy. She was still a secret to the public until the beginning of February.We entered 2017 knowing we were pregnant but not knowing day to day if the baby would stay alive in my tummy. Twice my OB's told me the amount I was hemorrhaging was not normal and I was likely miscarrying. I was sent to the ER by one of them to make me comfortable through the night as she highly suspected miscarriage. It was in the ER at 2 a.m. after sitting in desolate, cold, hopeless, heart aching pain for 9 hours, having cried so much I couldn't see anything at all through my contact lenses that we were told our little one was still alive and seemingly healthy. This was the night Ellie earned the name from Eric, "Flicker." Her heart was still flickering. :)

Then, I finally reached the second trimester and the hemorrhaging stopped. Eric allowed me to quit my job as we had planned on me doing anyway as I planned to be a stay at home mom before we ever got pregnant. I just quit earlier as so much was happening with my body- I had been given restrictions for many weeks of no stress and plenty of rest, no being on my feet, or lifting more than 10 lbs. Quitting early was bittersweet as I love my work friends like family. Every single one of them. The most wonderful and unique working experience of my life to be able to say I love every single person I work with so very much. I am thankful we have remained so close. I also was so blessed to work with my two very best friends so it was bittersweet leaving but of course I still get to see them apart from the office. But it really was a blessing to mine and Flicker's health and being able to care for our home and prepare for a new life!

 Eric started back to school this year for chemical engineering. He has done amazingly! He is so smart, born engineer minded, a bit of a school and chemistry nerd (which is adorable), and God has really made the fruit of Eric's labor in school prosper. We are both thankful that God has presented Eric with this opportunity for advancement and how his work is encouraging this and for how God is rocking it out for us. He just finished his second semester going back. He is taking it slowly so he can still work full time and love on his 3 girls and little old Cajun. 

We had a wonderful summer. I was very insanely pregnant and super huge thanks to being insanely swollen up. I forgot I had legs for the tree trunks that swallowed them whole. My feet did not fit in any of my shoes. Yet, I kept running and exercising. And we were happy soaking in our last days as The Two E's. I had two amazing baby showers thrown by my best friends and my mama and sister. Eric took me on a babymoon to Charleston. It was so romantic. Forever a wonderful memory and vacation as just the two of us! Eric spoils me and I have so much fun with him. He is my number one person on this earth! My truest friend in the world above all (besides God, obviously). I cherish all the moments I get with him above any other time.

August 1, 2017 Ellie was born. I have no words here. I mean...how do you actually describe "that" feeling? You can't. But be sure that it was the hardest happy crying my body has ever exhibited in all of my life. Forever more, my wedding day, honeymoon, little moments with Eric, and the day our daughter was born will hold the most impacting memory in my heart. But, every day with them growing daily in love is better than the last. No one day is the "best day of my life" or there would be nothing to look forward to...but some memories do sit at the front of the mind and heart.

We brought Ellie home at 2 days old. It was wonderful and yet the hardest thing I have ever done in all of my existence. Ok, I still say, my third open heart surgery hurt me physically way more than C-Section did, but the recovery of the C-section surgery, learning to be a mommy, learning to breastfeed, trying to be successful at breastfeeding, trying to sleep but never sleeping more than 45 minutes a day, breastfeeding failing....these have truly been the hardest things all tied into one moment I have experienced to date. I felt like death, I felt like the walking dead, I felt like I wanted to run away to a hotel to sleep, I felt out of my body and out of my mind. Eric went back to work and school 2 weeks after Ellie was born and 2 days a week or more I never even saw him. Though he more than made up for the time he was working and at school when he was able to be home. I had help offered to me especially from my family, but in true Emily fashion I didn't want more than emergency help as I feel there is no way for me to learn to become and do and accomplish what God has given me if I do not face it for myself and find me own strength. But then- 4 weeks passed. And Ellie decided to magically start sleeping through the night in her own crib and life started to see rays of sunshine again as I could enjoy the blessing God had given us as the bags over and under my eyes began to lift and dissipate. I am so thankful for my family who helps me and teaches me and has given me confidence and good examples in my parenting. Everything we have been successful at with Ellie has come from the wisdom of my sister and parents. My go to's. They have taught me about her feedings, sleep, and how to enhance her mind and play time to benefit her happiness and growth. Ellie is a huge miracle and blessing to our lives!! The best gift we have ever been given. We want to honor God and His love and faithfulness daily and raise Ellie up in the love of God!

Then, because we are not crazy enough by deciding to intentionally get pregnant, have Eric work full time, and start back to school only 2 weeks after Ellie is born for his second semester...we decided to sell our house too. Why not? What's one more thing? (It had been a desire for years to do so. God's timing is part of His fabulous mystery). Thanks to Dan Bracken of Leonardi Bracken Real Estate, we were able to sell the house very quickly. That led us to a rental home in a salt box style home in the neighborhood across from us. This is our housing while we build our dream forever home. (Again, more to come on that, later). We Gladdens are a strong breed. We are full of team work, love, goofiness, and good work ethic. This is just part of what makes our marriage thrive. (God is the main key). We can do anything we put our minds to as a family. Thanks to God for His provision and again crazy but perfect timing.

And here we sit- wrapping up another year together, about to celebrate our 5th Christmas together and Ellie's first- mind blown by what God did in our lives this year. The year flew by...pregnancy not so much, but the year as a whole, yes. The year 2017 has been my favorite year of my life, yet! Still a couple more weeks left to soak in 2017! Excited for what 2018 holds!!

A Dream To Build On

135 Armistead Lane. Built in 2008. Once a dream for two young, freshly married, and very different people, but within a matter of 4 years- would become a broken home. But, God had plans to use this ugly and sad time in Eric's life. What satan tore down God built back up into something more  beautiful than before- because God was now invited into Eric's life. And that changes everything! He is redeeming!

The house soon became redeemed with a redeeming love only God can bring when Eric who was left with the house after a break in the foundation of the heart, then met me and welcomed me to make this once cold structure a warm loving home- with him!

That was in 2013. And even though Eric and I created love and a home and made a life in this house-  we have always dreamed since meeting in 2013 of building our own dream from the ground up...something that he and I both saw our life in together- He and I- We-Us. We had no idea when that dream would become a reality. We just kept praying. We sometimes talked about doing that immediately and other times it took the furthest back burner possible. But as we discovered I was pregnant with Ellie we both really got this very serious and deep desire to put our dreams into motion. Not because I was pregnant- just the time God happened to tell us to get serious. In fact, we were out looking and walking at properties one day before Ellie was due. And by the time she was a week old, Eric was back on the phone calling about different plots of land we saw as possibilities. It was just really time. It was God's time. Which does not always feel practical, or sane, or easy. Sure! Let's have Eric work full time, go to engineering school, have a baby, sell our house, move to a rental, and build all at one time. Why not? God has plans to make Himself glorified in this adventure that is the Gladden Family and we welcome Him even when it seems crazy. We have prayed about this for the past four years in no rush. We love our home and the blessing God has turned it into. We are thankful to be so immensely blessed with this structure, our woods, our community,  and our area. However, we have always known, especially Eric in 2012, that this is not where we want to be forever. We call this house our "apartment phase." Meaning, most married couples start out in apartments before building their homes, but Eric and I didn't have that adventure together. This house, though an immense blessing we are humbly grateful to possess, has always in our hearts been our temporary place to live before we build OUR home. Our starting place. Our "Apartment phase." I remember telling my best friend to be thankful for the apartment her and her husband shared shortly after they were married. I wanted to have had that adventure with Eric. While a house is a blessing- there is something so special about a married couple starting out with their apartment and making it a home before, one day, should they desire, building their forever home together. You literally get to build a life together. So, that is why this house has been "our apartment phase."

I have enjoyed putting my domestic and decorative touch on these walls. Filling the rooms with scripture, art, memories, and a purpose for more than just a roof over our heads. I got to bring it to life with love and adventure! I am thankful Eric has let me paint and decorate however I have wanted allowing me to discover my taste in decor and design. It changed drastically over 4 years in that house . We have had fun over the years as we put in a new master shower, painted almost every wall, put down new flooring, put in new light fixtures, added a patio and firepit, stained our bathroom cabinets, and built more shelving in our spacious garage. It does not even look like the same house Eric brought me to on our first date. Yet, still- we desire our own creation from the ground up, together. Something that we plan, pick out, imagine, and dream up together.

A funny fact- Eric built and moved into this home while I was still in high school. (For those who do not know, he is 8 years older than me.) I often tease him of the fact that I was literally across the street, in braces, with far too thin eyebrows and short hair, dancing to music, getting ice cream off the ice cream truck, working on science and English projects with friends, just trying to survive high school while he was here living a married grown up adult life with a dog (Cajun) and a fence! How insanely weird that life brought us to this point.

We have this dream and we have given it to God. God has made us be very patient and we will have to continue to be patient as we build our home which should (hopefully) get started in the next month or two. We are so excited! We are currently renting a home while we build. We are not very emotional leaving this house at 135 Armistead because we have known since meeting we were not going to stay here (God willing, of course). Actually, Eric was planning to put it on the market just months into our dating but it just kept being put on a back burner with all the fun of dating and creating a life together. That is because God knew the right time was not then, but now!

I can, on the contrary to my last point, however, state that when I closed and locked the door to the empty house for the last time, alone, after cleaning one last time, that I cried. I did not cry a single tear of sadness. This is a purely happy time. I cried tears of thankfulness, graciousness, and feelings of overwhelming blessings from God. This house He provided us and protected us in. This home where Eric brought me after our first date at dinner to watch a movie. This home that we completely redid together. This home where we were intimate and abundant in love, and silliness. This home where we brought our daughter home and survived one very long yet insanely precious first month together as new parents and a family of 3. This home where we cared for each other in sicknesses and made each other breakfasts and special treats. They were tears of humility, joy, and overwhelming grace from God on our life together here and how God is allowing us this desire we have had. God has given us so much more than tons and I can't even begin to find any way that we deserve it. He is precious!

Eric and I do have these sweet memories of 4+ years together at 135 Armistead Lane, however; we have a dream for something totally different when we picture our true home on earth (as we know our treasures are not on earth, but in Heaven). Something that we dreamed up and talked over together for several years now. A place that reflects both of our desires and dreams and visions of life with our Ellie. A place we can truly grow old together forever. We want a craftsman home. And practically, we want to downsize and eliminate stairs (sans an upstairs bonus for Ellie and friends) as we know we don't want to climb a bunch of stairs when we get old!(We don't like climbing them now and I am a fitness guru!) Haha!! We do not need a huge house nor do we want one. We want porches to sit and rock on together and watch sunsets and talk about our days as we sip a good red. We want space to watch Ellie run and play and grow. We want warmth and trees and a more quiet environment. We have a house plan ready we have dreamed up together and we cannot wait with God's provision and blessing to watch that dream be built to fruition in the very near future. It is super cool---I searched and searched for countless house plans on all the sites. You name it, I searched it. Found many pretty ones, but every one I found needed so many drastic changes to meet both of our desires....to make it "us". So, when I was early on in pregnancy with Ellie, I sat down one afternoon and just drew out what would be the perfect plan. It included everything Eric and I had dreamed up together. Showed it to Eric, then I put it away and kept praying. In October, Eric found me that house plan already professionally drawn up--almost exactly the same. The only differences were actually improvements to the plan we had drawn up and there were hardly any changes whatsoever. Even the details were spot on! Crazy! We put our house on the market with Leonardi Bracken Real Estate and it sold in a week and a half. (Praise God!) Contacted the builder, got a little piece of land we loved and had prayed over, and God has pulled it all together for us!! We will start the building process quite soon! (Will reveal more details later, so be patient with me, haha!) In this home we are creating, we desire to serve, share, and show Jesus! We are literally going to build our home on the word. We will put scripture all over the frame and foundation and hold hands and pray in every room of that house and we will praise God for what He has allowed the little undeserving, humbled, and grateful Gladden family!

When I say we have been praying for the past 4+ years, I mean it! I have prayed over every tiny little detail and bathed it in scripture. Here are the scriptures I prayed specifically and kept on our kitchen wall:

This is our current adventure and we are so excited and happy for the future with our little family!

Now some photos of 135 Armistead for times when we want to reminisce. I am including photos of the building process even though I was not part of it- Eric and Cajun were, and it is neat to see how it all got started because again- we are thankful for God's insanely generous blessing of 135 Armistead and the joy we have had here and the home we were able to make together out of love-because ultimately it is not the house that makes a family happy or full of love! The family makes the house a home. And, we love our home, but are thankful now, for the opportunity to create OUR forever dream home. Praises be to God! It is also fun to see the changes I made to the decor from how it was first decorated! The pictures help us to watch this structure go from a house to a home. 2008-2017. 135 Armistead lane....here's to you!

CONSTRUCTION PROCESS IN 2008: ERIC 26 YEARS OLD; CAJUN 1 YEAR OLD

WHEN ERIC MOVED IN AND PAINTED IN 2008

*Note--Just because it is called a "Sun-room", does not mean it needs to be painted golden yellow!! The sun shines in enough all on it's own! Ha! Eric and I have laughed at this so many times. Friends called it the "Old lady room" Bless. I don't think anybody ever actually like the color of this room. Glad we took care of that eventually! lol!

Soooo much yellow. No good! Eric said it was supposed to be a green...hmm...either way...soooo much yellow!! (I am not a pastel color lover in a house- my mom and sister love yellow)

WHAT WE CREATED

On to the creation of our new forever home!