What's In A Heart?

I constantly battle the things of my heart. We all have battles with our hearts, the things our hearts desire, the things our hearts break over, and some of us, like myself, over the condition of our heart's health.

I've made it no secret in my life my conditions and my surgeries and the need for more heart surgeries in the future all because I want the small bit of world I encounter to see God in my heart. Not only God in my heart from a healing aspect, but also from a relational aspect. I love God, God loves me, I had a very sick heart, and God fixed that heart. He has allowed me to live, thus far, a long and active and happy life with very little restrictions. My life restrictions have consisted of staying away from energy drinks (I don't even like soda...I doubt I'd even enjoy an energy drink...no loss there!), taking it very easy on the coffee ( I really just like the creamer anyway...), and no decongestants when I have a cold (that's ok...I love hot baths and hot honey tea!). The only other thing that my heart has kept me from living out life normally is my physical activity. (Now this one hurts my heart..pun intended...because it is true!)

I have always loved running. Oh how I could just run and run and run! I used to run a 6 minute flat mile in 6th grade. I was asked in 6th grade to join cross country with the high school team. I held off (I'm REALLY shy!) But, I did do running club in elementary school and I would run around my neighborhood or on treadmills for fun all of the time. When I reached the eleventh grade, still ever the runner...and a strong one at that... I got to a place where I was more comfortable around others and I didn't care so much about people's opinions and if I failed - I failed giving my best, but if I succeeded - then how cool!? So, I finally, decided to join the track team. I'm not sure why I chose this over cross country...I'm a great distance runner but I struggle with sprints. I went to a two week conditioning and training daily course with the Wren High School track team to prepare for the season upcoming. I was soooo strong. I ran two miles for a warm up and I was so elated and so happy and I was finally part of something in the school besides the things I didn't really care about that I needed to help my "extra-curriculars look good."

However, there was of course one major requirement to remain part of the team and to start going forward with training for the season. A physical. A simple, every day, routine physical stood between me and my track career that I had already planned into college. I was so healthy and so strong...a physical would be cake. But, as it was, my doctor told me, despite my beautiful test results and ability to run and run well competitively, that he feared my heart would be pushed too far and too hard in the midst of adrenaline rushes and extra boosts of desire wanting to beat the other competitors. The heat, the possible dehydration, the heart rate of a runner with 3 congenital heart defects. (Especially the one that is currently presenting the biggest problem...the pulmonary valve...the one that connects to the lungs....it makes sense.) But, for me...I was devastated. And I imagine my parents were too. It was the first hard blow in a series of blows to come over my next several years that my heart was actually not completely perfect even though it had had 3 open heart surgeries to make it better. I cried and I cried and I felt ashamed and embarrassed and man...even as I sit here typing this out now I am overcome with the emotions of that time and how horrible it was for me.

It may seem simple. So I couldn't run track. There are worse things. Oh and yes ma'am yes sir! There are MUCH worse things. MUCH. I've already discovered that with the news I was given two years ago as I learned I will still need likely multiple more heart surgeries in even the near future. That having children is a huge risk. That my heart is basically supposed to continue to endure my running as I've kept it up; but we are to see how it handles the struggle of breathing and keeping up with my legs. And even knowing all of that isn't the worst thing in the world. It is certainly not easy at all for me. Especially when here lately I have read posts about CHD people who are runners with pacemakers! I don't (at this time) even have anything artificial and I wasn't allowed to run track? but...God did allow me to run many 5K's, 10K's and a half marathon and a full marathon. And for that I have been even further blessed. And I pray really hard for God's healing within His will and not mine. But, even in knowing people are struggling with much much much worse health issues or life struggles, even putting it in perspective (because I am VERY blessed), it is still not easy. And I think it is ok for it not to be easy. But what is not ok is to pout over it and sulk in it. God gave me this particular heart to glorify Him. This heart is what He is using everyday to love others, love Him, and Glorify Him. He has a home in that heart of mine. And He is using it.

I have my annual heart check up on October 6. I am prepared for several possible pieces of news. But no matter what, this is a heart for God. And God will be with me and Eric as we go and listen to my precious doctor and have tests performed and prepare for what we at this time know is to come.


I basically just want to encourage those with struggles big or small because God is there with you and He does care about all the things on your heart (even the healthy ones) ;)
God is our Savior in all types of ways. To acknowledge that is to find happiness, salvation, and strength. SO whether your heart is healthy, broken, sick, or happy...give it to God and He will be sure to live in it and keep it up for you!

And Two Became One

On Monday, February 24, 2014, Eric and I sat in the kitchen of his house talking about our days while dinner cooked. At this point, Eric and I had been a couple for almost a year and we talked about getting married constantly. Heck, we began talking about marriage one month after meeting. But, on this particular night, with NO ring on my finger...we set our wedding date for June 20, 2015. We knew this "wasn't that far off" (YES IT WAS!!), and it would be a Saturday, and best yet, it would be my parent's anniversary, whose anniversary is also shared with my maternal grandparents. So, we liked it, and we decided then that would be our forever anniversary. One little problem was that I was still waiting on the ring we had also been discussing relentlessly (especially with all of the passing Christmas and Valentine's marketing for love). Finally, March 7, 2014 came along and we made our engagement official with our engagement ring. Now the wedding plans could really take off.

There were months of planning and shopping and dreaming. Many tears and emotions passed with the countdown and the planning of this big event set to happen on June 20, 2015. It seemed like forever until our day would finally come! Many times I even thought about just eloping I was so ready to be married to my best friend. I just desired to be his wife sooooo bad! But the day did finally come and it was a glorious and beautiful day! All I could think of that whole day was, "I;m going to be Eric Gladden's WIFE! His WIFE! This is like the world's biggest honor of all time!!! How lucky am I?!!" I wanted my hair to be perfect, my makeup perfect, the dress perfect, and I wanted to get that amazing reaction from my Groom as I walked down the aisle.

I was cool and calm all day long. This is rare as I am so high strung and uptight. But I had such peace and such joy! Only when I was standing in the bridal suite of our church did I become overwhelmed with emotions of joy and excitement so unfathomable that I began to cry such tears of joy!! And then I couldn't breathe. This was a combination of the fitted bodice of the dress, and my heart trying to pound through the dress!! I stood in the bridal suite watching our bridal party begin to proceed down the aisle to the lovely classical music and all I wanted was to see my groom! Get me out of this closet of a room and down the aisle to the one who will calm my nerves and bring me all of my comfort and happiness! I asked my bridesmaids if they could see Eric?! And when they smiled and said yes, I nearly fainted right there!! Finally it was my turn to make my walk down the aisle and finally say, "I Do!" to my husband!! I cried the entire way down the aisle. And I saw tears in Eric's eyes too and that made me cry even more! Once I was finally able to hold his hands and cling close to him I began to lightly cry and get super giddy! I began twirling (as I was told by many guests and as I witnessed from our wedding video), and I couldn't stop smiling! It is so true it all comes and goes so quickly. It was important for us to savor every little piece! Eric melted my heart more as we lit the unity candle. He and I stepped back and he then led us in prayer over our marriage. There is nothing sweeter than a man who leads his wife in the way of the Lord and there is nothing I desire more for my life or my marriage than to be lead by a Godly man. When the ceremony came to the end and we were pronounced husband and wife, Mr. and Mrs. Eric Gladden, my heart shot out fireworks to Heaven!

Knowing that from then on out everything I did was no longer for me but for God first (as usual) and then my husband, and for us as one person was so special. It is an important job and role and it is fun and sweet and so so precious! It is something to work on every day together and to embrace so warmly! I am so happy and so truly honored and blessed to be the wife of Eric Gladden who leads me to love God first and before I love him!

Mark 10:8- "and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh."
Ephesians 5:31- "“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”