An Ellie Blurb

Alright- this one is coming straight out of my brain and into my typing fingers. I went to the doctor today to routine check up on Ellie. We were told that both she and I are "literally perfect." Awesome news. Blessed news. The weekly visits start next week. They did a check list with me: *Car seat loaded? *Pediatrician picked out? *Bags packed? *Plans made? Checks all around.

I keep discussing Ellie with Eric daily as we are excited, imagine, and prepare. But sometimes my dog Blondie feels more real to me than Ellie. I can touch Blondie, kiss her, hug her, tell her I love her. I can only whisper away to a big round belly and know that Ellie can hear my voice. I can only imagine her face. I can only pretend what life will be like. I am so excited to actually meet her face and have a routine with Ellie. I want to watch Ellie grow and learn and play. I want to laugh at Ellie and laugh with her. Sometimes- no matter how much I feel her kicking, flipping, and rolling in my tummy, I can't fully grasp into reality what having her out and in my arms will be like. But then there are times like just a few moments ago, when I imagine her birthday- quickly approaching, and I become overwhelmed with " Oh my gosh" over and over aloud as I consider that this Flicker of mine will soon be something...someone I can hold, touch, smell, feel, listen to, see. I imagine the moment they put her on my chest crying and cold as she left my warm, dark tummy; and I see Eric's beautiful face as he becomes a daddy. I see his beautiful smile and bright eyes. I hear his loving sweet voice, I see his joy exude. And I can see me crying overwhelmed with emotions. Will the moment be like this?...probably even better! I cannot wait to record the moment in real life.

Then I imagine how life will change and how there will be a 3rd human in this house. New sounds and a new routine. New needs for me to meet. Will I know what I am doing? I am constantly told it will all come naturally. I just want to be the best I can be for our daughter. I want to protect her, grow her, love on her, make her happy. I want her to feel and know love and to love me! I am so honored God is allowing both of us this huge responsibility and these roles. I am going to be a mommy. Somebody will actually call me mommy. I won't be just an aunt. I'll be a precious little girl's mommy! How long does it take until I will actually feel like her mommy? Is it instant? There are moments now I feel it in spurts. Such as when I am in a crowded environment. I hold my bump or am ready at a millisecond notice to guard with my arms anything that comes near my Ellie Belly. To protect her from danger or harm. In the choices and decisions I make. God allowed me to become a mommy. What a miracle and an anomaly.

The magic day will be here in really no more than 6 weeks. Maybe less. This is one moment my Type A and in control personality must be completely in the dark and have no clue. I am not allowed to mark my calendar. Where will I be when labor starts? Will my water break? Will I be calm? How long will it last? When is her birthday? Who will be the doctor on call? Will it be morning or night? God has it all in His plans and is laughing at the over controlling type A girl He created, right now.

Who knew excitement could also be so overwhelming? I'm going to be a mommy. We are going to be parents. In approximately 40 days. I can't wait to blog about the entire experience and blog on her growth and the fun ahead. The changes and the challenges. The special moments. Ahhh!!!