I am nearly 30 years old. My brother, Joshua, has been in my life for about 13 years of my life. He is technically my brother - in - law (my sister's husband), but he has always been known to me as my brother just as if he was sharing the same blood as me. He has helped raise me, seen me through two stupid relationships in high school and college, given me gas money, bought me countless meals, and welcomed me into his home with my sister and their kids to stay and find comfort in all my days of knowing him. My brother is a black man. My brother is a Godly, God fearing, God seeking, loving, strong, intelligent, hard working, humble, funny, generous, laid back, multi-talented, selfless man. He and my sister have 4 beautiful children. Their skin is brown. They are "mixed." They are incredibly wonderful and they make my life so happy. They were my first babies and will always be my babies.
I feel for my nieces and nephews like an aunt should...not that I would know in my own life how aunts and uncles would treat their nieces or nephews...I've never had aunts and uncles who invested their lives into me. But, I know as an aunt and from the blessing of having Eric's aunts and uncles in my life that it is a relationship that is meant to be very deep and special. A friendship with a bit of a maternal and paternal like connection. You feel love for your nieces and nephews (or at least I do) so deeply your heart quivers with love and joy for them. So, when any one of them is hurt or embarrassed, I feel it in my own bones and in my soul.
When my oldest nephew was not much older than my own daughter who is nearly 3 now, he said something that was equal parts, cute, funny, and true. He at the small young toddler age could see in a pure and innocent vision that all the members of his family had different colored skin. We were sitting at Fatz restaurant in Columbia, SC. And his precious smile and little voice spoke up as he looked around the table at each of us pointing at us saying, "Daddy is black. I am brown, and Mommy is a little pink!" And it was hilarious because...well, my sister and I are a little pink. True Irish blood! But it was also a bit of a jaw dropper for me because I just never realized he could pick up on that and also, race was such a controversial thing in my childhood that I almost think of the word "black" in relation to a skin color as something you weren't supposed to say?!? So hearing him call his daddy black sort of shocked me. And culture shock is good. Joshua is black. And I am white. And my sister is white. And my four nieces and nephews are brown. And each of us is equally created and beautiful in the way God designed and created us. In HIS image. And that is what actually matters. I never have understood why skin color was a "thing." That may just be me being naive but, why is it such big deal? I'm coming from the perspective of the beginning of time when God created Adam and then Eve from Adam's rib....I obviously understand that race is an issue due to historical events of racism and slavery and white supremacists. All of which I detest. But skin color is just a result of the amount of melanin a body contains. So why hate and persecute those who have more melanin? Why does this scientific fact present as so offensive and worthless in the eyes of so many? I don't understand it. Actually...I think brown, black, even asian, are all so beautiful! How boring would a cream cheese world be?! Give us some color, please!
I have a point to this blog and for this title and I'm getting there, I promise.
So recently, my oldest niece (8) and I were at a waterfall with my family. And she found this particular waterfall magical and like that of something possibly in the Garden of Eden. She got so excited! Actually just reliving her joy in this magical place makes my entire chest literally quiver with joy. It catches my breath. She had this immense joy and excitement and then this happened....
She said, "I can pretend to be Eve in Eden and stand under this little waterfall!" Then her face dropped as something in her mind told her this: "But I can't be Eve because she was white, and I am brown." I had heard this subtly as I swam nearby. My sister was right beside her when she said it. And my sister called me to swim over and help her explain to Lydia the truth. When I took in the weight of what she said my soul crushed with both parts anger at the world being so stupid and ignorant and grief that she at 8 already feels "less" because she is brown and not white and she is self conscious of her skin and her very beautiful - wildly beautiful natural hair.
The first thing I said to her was, "Lydia! Eve was NOT white! She was a middle Eastern woman! Jesus was not white either for that matter! They were all brown!" Her reply? "Then why does every picture I have ever seen of Eve or of Jesus shown them as white?" I told her, "Because you are in America and America is wrong and blind to anything that isn't white." She was joyfully shocked. I saw a smile cross her face as she sat there a little confused and a little relieved. My sister and I explained to her that historically when you read the bible or anything historically from that time period you will see that the locations of these people in scripture was middle Eastern and that the three wise-men who bore gifts for Jesus were actually Asian! And the entire reason that people are brown or black at all is because God gave them more melanin in their skin to give them darker tones based on the fact they were living in a far hotter and sunnier region than we do this side of the earth. The Middle East, Africa? They are exposed to more sun than we are in case you weren't aware....whether you believe that Jesus is the Savior and Son of God or not, you cannot deny historical truth and these are facts. Though none of this is meant to be a debate, that's not my heart in writing this. My point is to say that it is stupid, sick, and sad to live in a place where truth has been so muddled and people have to worry about their status based on the color of their skin. God created us all equal in His image and it's just ridiculous. Like...the very first people God created were brown. I can't prove that...but I can give the logistical reasoning based on where Eden was historically in the Middle East. And honestly, you don't even have to agree with that. That is still not really the point here and if you get hung up on disagreeing you are really missing my point. My niece didn't even think she could be Elsa for Halloween because she wasn't blonde or white. I told her if I wanted to dress as Mulan I could and I'm the farthest thing from Asian! Who you want to be in life should not be defined by your appearance or race. The world has already taught an 8 year old this. And the way my sister and I raise our kids is very "un-worldly." So to me that proves this mindset is way too prominent.
Lydia sees that most people around are white. Ok. She doesn't often meet many people or girls her age who look like her. I used to not understand what women meant when they would talk about growing up looking different from other white girls growing up. *(For example, Meghan Markle, who is also biracial - she gave a great speech about this not so long ago - and even then I couldn't quite understand why someone so beautiful wanted to see others who look like her.)* I always thought, "Why does it matter? Aren't you all beautiful? Doesn't every white girl wish she was as tanned as the brown girl is naturally anyway?" But with age comes experience and growth, wisdom, and maturity if you are open to it. And having these beautiful brown 4 in my life has opened a new world for me. Lydia gets so excited when she sees other girls who look like her. She even has a teacher who looks like her and has that beautiful natural curly hair and she has commented on this and how the teacher "looks like her!" I personally wish I could be as brown as my niece! I wish my hair could be curly! I wish I could have the natural radiant beauty she possesses. I wish she could see this in herself.
I know I am a highly privileged white woman. There is also nothing wrong with being born white. But, it is so so so wrong to not realize that beauty is not defined by one type of look. It is vital that we first possess beauty in our hearts. After all, each and every single one of us was created with all the same vital organs and our bodies operate the same...or at least are intended to - given you take care of your body God gave you.
I want to see more children's books with black, brown, Asian beauty all over them. Brown is beautiful. It can mean you are Indian, Hispanic, Bi-racial, and that is beautiful and God designed. God designed. You can't tell me that there is any better design than that which God Himself created.
I want my daughter to have multi-race dolls. I want to present her with books with beautiful colorful children. I want Ellie to have the correct knowledge of skin color and not what America has taught her. I want my nieces to feel happy and strong and beautiful in their skin, hair, and bodies. I suppose what's sad is that without having ever even heard a racial slur or registered "racism" my niece already feels less just because there are less materials, options, and truths for her in this world. I will never fully understand how she feels but I am motivated by it and I am passionate about making sure she feels how awesome God designed and planned her in the skin she is in.
Our souls should match the beauty of the beautiful skin God created in ALL people. We should just open our hearts and our eyes to the feelings of ALL people. Let's recognize others who don't look like "you" and make them feel how beautiful they are. I want to see family options given that aren't all white or all black. Mix it up because skin is skin and variety is beautiful. There is more than just white in this world and our world is more beautiful for that fact.
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